I've known this girl for about 3-4 years. We first met online and a little over a year ago we met in person. I'm fairly new to this red pill stuff but throughout the years we got close and would cyber/phone sex. We are both virgins. There were some cool times but a lot of arguing and verbal abuse between one another only online. I thought it was getting better though. When we met in person she had the hots for me. But she just could not let go of the past online and I became depressed during a time I was working a lot. We broke contact for 9 months till I found out she went to same school as me. This time we met at school but only for a few mins at a time, 4 times. I started playing the "got too much important things to do" and would always leave quickly to my class. Online, she tried seducing me. I gave her some play in return. Next day she was saying how maybe we shouldn't of let it gotten so far. So I said then don't ever try it again. Argument happens, saying I don't text her enough and then she insults me. I insult her back and do no contact. 2 months later and I randomly bump into her, maybe I'm more of my beta self. She tries to walk away but we get the talking. She was still a bit mad about before but I break the ice. Tbh, during this time I realized that I actually loved her. Our convo ended up going great. She even told me how she was getting sexual thoughts and would poke me playfully. One day later, she emails me saying she doesn't want to string me along. She has a crush on someone else. That I should find someone worth it. That I'm a nice guy and yada yada yada. I broke down and deleted the messages. I became super depressed. I was so unlike myself. About a week after I compile all her pics she ever sent me. Write a note with anger and sadness and email it to her during a moment of weakness. Tell her I miss her. She replies with a sad/crying face. About "how I want you to be happy, and that you deserve someone who treats you well. Etc. I'm tired of us hurting each other and getting along and doing it all over again. The file is too large". This is where I'm at. I'm pissed. At her. At myself. At this bullshit beta version of myself. What would someone with more experience in RP do in this situation? I feel like she'll just get those runaway feels. I would like to be with her. I'm sure she'll get more crushes and soon enough will want to ride the CC.

I just want this beta version of myself gone so for right now I'll just stick to no contact at all and hopefully never see her again. But my beta self still believes loves exist. So any advice?