I know I'm gonna get fucking flamed good for this post, but I need to vent somewhere. If anyone wants to chime in, then feel free.

I don't know if it's a Madonna Whore Complex, or what it is exactly but fall for girls too fucking easily. Especially girls that are cut, intelligent and damaged, but seem to have potential beyond that. I'm not even talking about crazy BPD chicks, although all girls have a bit of crazy in them, but I don't ever fall for the genuinely bonkers girls.

I've been studying and practicing Red Pill theory for so many years now. I've been highly successful with it, and don't usually struggle with getting girls. I understand the significance of abundance as well, and have always tried to maintain that, but there's always one girl that comes along that I just become a fucking idiot for and I start self sabotaging against my better judgement.

I don't think it's genuine love, perhaps lust gone crazy. I don't actually know. Maybe I've got mommy issues and abandonment issues. No idea, although I think about it a lot. As soon as I get the Oneitis for these girls; and I can always feel it coming when I've found my "ideal" girl, I try my best to create more abundance, keep myself busy, but somewhere inside of me I know it's fucking futile, and that I'll just allow the drug of those feelings to take over and ultimately I'll sabotage the whole thing. Happens every time. Sometimes the relationship will last a few years, sometimes only a few months at worst.

This of course doesn't happen with every girl. Hoes are usually in rotation, and I keep my options open, and I know there's no "One" for me, but there does seem to be several "Ones" and they come along usually when my abundance and confidence is at it's highest.

Here's the tragic part of all this:

The last time I had a relationship like this was about 2 years ago. It ended badly. I started using drugs for the first time ever after the relationship to cope, and I genuinely became lost for a little while.

Eventually I broke down one night on the drugs, and had a panic attack that basically set me back for these last 2 years. I became heavily depressed, lost my drive and sex drive, pushed everyone away, including women, self esteem hit the lowest it's ever been and I stopped giving a shit about my life. I hardly ever left the house. I hated who I'd become.

During the last 2 years, I haven't had any intimacy or connection with a girl. But I did learn to be more content with the idea of not needing a girl, or so I thought.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. Up to this point I've been studying the Red Pill again, taking a refresher course, all the Black Phillip episodes on repeat, talking to girls again and building my life back up gradually. But in the midst of all of this, I meet a fucking unicorn.

And she was fun to talk to, fucking beautiful, and basically my type... And I swear to god, all the beta shit came rushing back after a few days of this. I'm ashamed of myself. I've just pushed her away tonight because I know I've lost frame before its already begun. I know exactly where it's heading if I continue as well.

This shit is eating me up and seems unavoidable. Even worse now after 2 years away from women. I know I'm better than this, or at least capable of becoming better; I'm a good looking, intelligent guy with a good sense of humour and good game, good frame most of the time as well, and I have ambitions, but whenever this oneitis shit happens to me, it seems to paralyse me. It completely fucks my life up. I don't know how to overcome this shit.