I've been into TRP for the past two years. I lift, eat right, game women and have been working on bettering myself by jumping on every opportunity that comes my way. I work hard at whatever's thrown at me, and among my peers, I'm usually the most energetic and lively person in the group. I literally make experiences more enjoyable.

And yet, I feel empty.

I feel like this is all a front and what I really want to do is curl up and die. I feel like I'm going nowhere, accomplishing nothing and leaving nothing behind. I'm afraid of making real emotional connections and as a result, am extremely lonely and distrustful of people trying to get too close. I've been having suicidal thoughts recently and I'm afraid I might act on them one of these days.

Before I found TRP, I struggled with depression and the same suicidal thoughts. I feel like TRP gave me a purpose of self betterment that brought me back from the brink. Lately though I feel like that sense of fulfillment was illusory at best. I feel like I have yet to find a purpose or create one of my own and it's killing me inside, especially as I understand how the world really works now.

I'm angry and bitter and sad and afraid and at a loss for what to do. I'm asking for help because I can't think of anywhere else to turn. Help me please before it's too late.