I found a unicorn

I've been in an LTR with a unicorn. But in the last month, her life has taken a nose dive. Her father doesn't really approve of us (he's against the whole interracial thing) and she's really old-fashioned and actually cares what her parents think, so she felt really depressed because he told her not to speak with me.

Her mother caught her crying and told her that for Mother's Day at least, her wish is to never find her crying like that again.

But a lot about her has changed. She dropped out of college because she realized that she just doesn't have that thirst for neuroscience any more. Her BFF from kindergarten turned out to be a flake.

Now this is, in my opinion of course, a solid 9. Hot, smart, sweet, though kind of a sensitive girl. Maybe a bit on the childish side if I'm honest, and introverted (explains why I'm her first, and hopefully last).

Anyway, what I was wondering was, how do I help (kind of a beta type of mentality, I know, but LTRs require alpha and beta traits)? Ideally, I want her to figure out something that gives her life meaning and purpose outside of just me. I want her to be happy again. She's happy with me, but I don't want to be the sole happiness provider.

I was also thinking, what if the tables were turned? Would she stick around with me? A guy who drops out of college, loses his best friend, has a falling out with one of his parents, feels depressed and withdraws from society... I guess I'm asking rhetorical questions now aren't I? :p

[–]whoops_fap 2 points2 points2 points 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]aguywithafewqandnoa[S] -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]whoops_fap 1 points1 points1 points 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]aguywithafewqandnoa[S] 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link

Fair enough mate. To clarify she would have left you if the tables were turned, those factors would have compromised your value too much.

Ah, yes, I agree. Thankfully, she's not an Americunt. Otherwise, she'd be a bloated pig wallowing in depression and Ben and Jerry's. She's from a Danish immigrant family, kind of rare out here in California, but they are old-school about their values and it's refreshing.

I understand wanting a LTR but I also understand chasing unicorns. I was in a 9 year LTR with one because she was 80-90% wife material, but that 10% that wasn't was a retarded/insane/selfish person who was self destructing.

Damn man. Yeah, I was reading over your comment history briefly. I was going to dismiss you as a troll, but then I read what you had said about your 9 year relationship with your ex-girlfriend previously and I understood where you were coming from.

I totally get the feeling of being bitter towards a woman. And TRP can release you from the bitterness because you make your own happiness. At the same time, I see a lot of PUA lingo that leaves guys like me kind of alienated. I am after an LTR. I do see the appeal of chasing after pussy. It's an intellectual and physical challenge and when you get bored of one you can chuck her out and find a new one. I get that completely. It's just not for me. But I wish you the best with it. Especially if it's helping you regain a sense of what you might have lost being trapped in a 9 year relationship that ended due to her selfish behavior.

Any female that is that uncertain is just waiting to implode in my experience. But maybe it'll work out for you.

I do worry about that, but my parents have a similar dynamic. My dad's an old-school, traditionalist sort of person (strangely without religion). My mother's the old-school knows-how-to-cook-and-keep-house sort. He's definitely the alpha and she definitely brings something to the table figuratively and literally. He's just smarter and more understanding of her intellectual flaws. She's more nurturing and emotional. Together, they are like a truly complete human being. Nullifying each other's flaws for the benefit of their children.

Too Disney? I know, haha. Anyway, thanks for your input. I'll make sure to keep an eye on the situation, because no one wants a powder keg on his hands.

[–]Fantastical141 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Exact same thing happened to me.

OP: woops_fap is trying to warn you that with that much change in her life she might end up hamstering that she is better off without you or needs to "find herself".

My ex did this after 8 years. A few months after we broke up she wanted to get back together. Meanwhile I realized that I am better off without and ignored.

You have to remember that generally speaking, women are not logical. At least not the same logic as men. That is why sometimes it feels like a woman does things that are completely insane. In her mind however, it makes perfect sense.

Maintain frame and don't try to "help" her.

It's terrifying to hear you guys talk about this not in terms of relationships that lasted a few months, but nearly a decade. Presumably you all really liked the girls you all were with but if you could do it over again, what could you do to make it work? Or was it just that bad and out of control that it wasn't worth even trying to make it work? Is it just doomed from the start?

I hear what you guys are saying. I just have seen one very compelling example of where a guy I would say is pretty Red Pill (my dad) did try to help my mother.

Although, with my mother there was no depression or issues related to her parents disapproving of anything. With her, she was just aimless in a career. She did her M.S. in analytical chemistry, but hated the sort of entry-level, glorified-techie work she was getting. My dad was one of the smartest guys in his country (something like #7th in his entire country for engineering) and he noticed the rise of this new thing called the Internet. So he encouraged her to get into web design and now my mother independently makes 6 figures working in some web marketing gig.

I think I'll also ask him what he did in particular. Because for whatever reason, I'm considerably more "blue pill" by default. So what I consider "help" and what he considers "help" may be two very different things.

I don't think being Red Pill means you have to act like a douchebag with loved ones, like family members, including a wife or kids or whatever. It does certainly mean don't be a pushover or a human throw rug. As usual, the insight is in the juggling act of maintaining a high self-esteem rooted in self-improvement and being generous with your time.

I haven't figured it out. My dad clearly has. I don't know. Maybe this shitty American school system conditioned me because he certainly is a man's man, so how did I turn into such an easy-to-emotionally-manipulate guy?

And not one, but two guys have had almost the exact same experience with women. I will say though, she said that she realized how much she loved me during that period of separation and it only intensified her depression. She thought if I talked to her, I would break up with her, so she was so convinced I would hate her and break up with her as soon as we spoke.

But it's good to know that my fellow man is looking out for me. It's good to keep in mind that I shouldn't tolerate any hamstering. It's not good for my mental health to allow that. So thanks for the heads up.

Title	I found a unicorn
Author	aguywithafewqandnoa
Upvotes	0
Comments	7
Date	May 3, 2014 1:06 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/24l7gw/i_found_a_unicorn/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-found-a-unicorn.139643 https://theredarchive.com/post/139643

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