28 year old male, 185lbs 6'2. Been reading and lurking for almost 5 years now. I've suffered from depression for the past 8 years or so, and anxiety has exploded into my life the past 2. I've been on medication the whole time and it used to help, but now it doesnt. I used to smoke retarded amounts of marijuana and was a binge drinker with my group of friends. When depression started setting in my relationships with my friends all disintegrated from my toxic behaviour. My mom is a non function alcoholic who divorce raped my dad and he is a beta workaholic. I had a stressful childhood but I always manage to thrive socially regardless of it. My grades suffered though and I started drinking and smoking pot with friends all the time. Eventually I dropped out of college and thats pretty much when it all started hitting the fan. I used to be super social and one of the funniest/ most fun dudes to be around. Now I'm a fucking mess. I'm dying. I work out 4-5 times a week and everytime im at the gym i wreak of anxiety and depression. I meditate at least 20-30 minutes a day, eat healthy and clean most of the time ( fuck you all day mcdonalds breakfast) I try to get my cardio in when I dont have shin splints, and when I do i play drums. I've tried magnesium supplementation, zinc, b12 , fish oils, d3, none of them seem to have an effect. I've started doing some cbt but Im unsure of it. Pretty much every relationship I have with either my family or my friends is an unhealthy one in my mind. I feel like im just a depressed pos in their eyes. All of my good friends want nothing to do with me anymore and it just contributes to the problem. I wanted to be a musician or do something in the music industry when I was younger LOL but now I'm fucking lost. I feel like this may not be the right subreddit for it but I respect what alot of you have to say. Anyone got any advice for me? Let a brother know.