It's been a while since I've really posted here. I'm 27 was a virgin incel, now I'm just an incel. I was finally able to lose my virginity a couple of months ago. The relationship was fine for a while, but eventually she broke up with me. The break up has sent me into a bit of a spiral and here I am writing this about the current state of my life looking for some guidance. I want to say from the get go that I'm not sure how much of TRP I believe and I'm not really looking to be alpha right now. I just want to on the path to self-actualization and happy after all these years of depression. I hope someone here can point me in the right direction. I'm posting here because TRP accepts men and also accepts the underlying selfish, machiavellian nature of all humans. Here's the state of my life:

I'm feeling depressed recently. I'm feeling like giving up. I've been going back to school for a year now trying to get my life together finally, but there are a few things holding me back. One of them is loneliness. I'm always in the same boat with other people. People don't contact me. People don't want anything to do with me. People don't share information or opportunities with me. The only reason I get anything is when I force myself into things. It's exhausting. How often can I go up to people and force them to share resources with me? Even if I do they share it reluctantly and in a limited capacity. I don't know how to become liked. How to make them think of me as one of them so that they come to me to share ideas and opportunities both of the social kind and of the networking kind.

The sharpest pain in terms of others comes from this girl's rejection of me recently. She broke up with me and has become totally cold in terms of sex and only slightly less cold in terms of emotions. Obviously, all this this means her attraction is gone. I'm having a hard time getting over it. What bothers me the most is the selfishness of her disposition/actions. She knows all the suffering I'm going through(my depression and everything I'm sharing in this post) and all she does is go on and on about how she needs to focus on school when really it's just that she doesn't care enough about me to make even the smallest sacrifice. It's really that simple and it bothers me to go back to being alone.

Another issue in my life is that I have a literally crazy mother who I live with. She suffers from persecutory delusional disorder. She believes I am in on people harming her as she accuses me on a daily basis of allowing people inside the house to touch her, her property and sometimes even assassinate her so that she can die. It's a very stressful home environment. Just today before I entered our apartment she screamed from me through the door demanding I tell her who I'm letting into the house to mess with and saying the only reason she's letting me in is cause I need to sleep for school. She wasn't going to let me in and after a long, hard, sad day, she greets me with accusations and screams. I am working on moving out as I have a small source of income and I may be out of there as soon as 2 weeks, but it's still tough every day. I tried to live with my dad too, but that was even worse in a way as he is an extremely bitter, angry critical man. I moved to his place in the summer, but had to leave cause his uncontrollable, insistent anger toward me had me wanting to kill myself within 2 weeks. Sad as it is, my father is worse to live with than my mom.

I've been gaining weigh too. School's getting tougher and it's tough to focus with all this shit going on. I have a long commute and it's tough to get any work or play done because I'm either in class, studying, commuting or trying to feel better about things with instant gratification. I hardly have time or the will to socialize, network or exercise. It's a horrible way I'm living.

Any thoughtful advice would be much appreciated. I'm miserable and failing and need to get out of this mess.