I went a little over 200 days without liquor. I had a terrible issue with overindulging and making a fool of myself, getting into trouble, and hurting myself and others. In the course of about two weeks, I convinced myself that my time away from the liquor would have changed my mental relationship to it, and I would be able to come back and drink like a normal person. It only took 5 days of drinking for me to wake up this morning, and realize that I had drunk far too much last night, got in an argument, and posted regretful things on my social media.

I feel weak now, and am dealing with crippling anxiety, which is far worse than I remember it being. I know now (or I have relearned) that I have a legitimate issue with drinking, that I can not just wish away. I am going back sober again, but it feels daunting to start the process of accepting that I can not drink, all over again. I am asking if anyone has any experience with alcohol abuse, and has gone through a relapse of sorts, could offer me any words of wisdom. I didn't tell my close friends I had started drinking again, I wanted to see if I could do it, and now that I realize I can not, I do not know if I should tell them that I fell off the wagon. For now, internet strangers will have to do. Thank you.