Hello ! So I need to write this somewhere , im feeling so much pain and I need your help guys ! I feel like im in a situation I have no way out.

So 10 months ago I started to talk to this girl that goes to my school by answering her instastorie just because I taught she was pretty and cute and I was like "Oh lets see what this can bring". It was the worst mistake of my life so far.

I started to talk to her and I discovered she was like my lost soul mate, we had the same interests and same opinion of everything , I was having the time of my life talking to her , but this only by phone, and sometimes would greet each other in school. But one day , a friend of mine , that's also friends with her told me that she didn't like me the same way as I did , she didn't find me attractive. I told her "Oh that's normal , its only the begging". The second worst mistake of my life so far.

So I keep on talking to her , we went out a couple of times , but she always gave me signs that she didn't fell the same way , until some day I confronted her with the fact that I was in love with her. Well , you guys for sure already know the result , I got rejected. Harsh time for me because I taught this was the woman of my life, but I went to her , a couple days after , and told her " Oh I was confused , I don't like you that way , lets just be friends". The third worst mistake of my life so far.

And we keep on talking and on talking and I confronted her again and got rejected again , and told her I was confused again , and this happened multiple times , like 3 or 4 , again and again I was being rejected , and because I felt like she was the woman of my life , I always came back to her , and told her I didn't mean it . The 4,5,6,7 worst mistakes of my life so far... well you guys get the idea.

Until one day she asked me to go to her house smoke some weed, I was pretty happy like you guys can imagine, and I went and tried to be more than friends , she obviously rejected me again , and that was It , she didn't want me to talk to her anymore, because she felt it was the best for the two of us.

The summer went by , and some day I asked her if she had something I needed to go to a club ( obvsiouly a excuse of my brain to talk to her...) and she said yes I have that thing , and started making conversation again , like "How has been your summer so far ? " , and I felt like , "Oh I can't ruin this now", and started talking to her again to this day, without making my feelings known , because obvsiouly I know how it ends. But she thinks I like her as a friend , what obviously isn't true. I know she is bad for me , I feel bad when she talks me about other boys , I feel bad when I give everything to her and she doesn't give back , because obvsiouly she doesn't like me as strongly as I like her. I have tried guys to stop talking to her , ghosting her , but it always feel that im wasting an oportunity with the love of my life , idk . And she goes to my school and is friend with a lot of my friends so is hard to forget her existence . And she is always trying to make conversation , as a friend obviously , but to me is more than that , and It makes my heart hurt and bleed. And its not good for my school activity also because I have been having lower grades since I met her.

I always feel that if I stop talking to her im losting an opportunity with the love of my life, even tough that's obviously not true.

Yesterday I had a edibles trip and I felt like , yes its now that im stoping with this girl , but I always miss her , guys I feel like im sick man , I hate this.

I go to the gym almost everyday , 5 days a week, but it doesn't solve my oneitis.

I don't know what to do , because obvsiouly this girl is not the right one to me , and is only making me suffer , but I like her to much to stop talking to her . I guess I have oneitis, and I would like to know what to do .