I dont know if this post should be here but im not sure where to put it anyways, its not a joke, its very fucking real and its starting to fuck with my mind, please take the time to read it

I can`t have sex

All my life i thought i was asexual because i never really wanted to have a sexual relationship with anybody, but recently my mind has changed and i want to have new experiencies and blahblah, but i cant have sex, sounds really fucking autistic and i know it but when im like in the moment i just want to run away, i dont know why, im not a shy person, in fact most of the people that i know thinks that im a "player" because of the way i behave but in reality when it comes down to sex i just feel incontrolably anxious and i just want to run away and i always end up running away and when i do it i feel like "safe" somehow, i`ve been thinking about going to therapy because im thinking that all of this is because i`ve seen a lot of abuse when i was a child and i ended up thinking that sex is a bad thing and im a bad person if i pursue my desires.

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I think i would appretiate some people telling me about what can i do about this because im started to feel like shit, i mean i have some people that i really like and they like me too but i cant stand the idea of having sex with them and the reality is that i really want to do it but i just can`t when we are alone and you can feel how the tension is building and we start to getting closer and closer i just have to run away, i always make up an excuse and leave and its starting to fuck with me because im afraid of loosing people because of this. and the funny thing is that im not a fucking shy person, even i work as a salespeople on the streets and in houses giving personal interviews and im a really good seller and i dont care about what people can think about me, this had a lot of people feeling like i just dont like them when in reality i cant move foward this fear of really getting intimate with someone, i dont see it as a challenge that i can overcome, i see it as a problem or that if i do it im gonna be like the abuses that i saw during my childhood

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Should i go to theraphy? what can i do with this?

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This is not a joke, im really serious about this and i would really appreciate some recomendations that you people can give to me, and im sorry if at some point you dont understand somenthing that i wrote but english is not my main

language

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Thank you for taking the time of reading this