What’s up guys, 18 year old long time lurker, first time poster here. Been on my red pill journey for about a year and a half and been making good progress. Had a few up and downs but mostly got up again pretty quickly. Sounds good so far doesn’t it ?

Fast forward to the start of the lockdown and fuck it all spiraled down. Been basically only doing shit to survive here, no motivation, discipline is something I can’t even think of. Don’t get me wrong I had these situations before, but it’s different rn.

To cut it short I noticed that everything I did before the lockdown was because of attention. Every single action that I took was to get attention from other people. I pushed through everything the last year and became a better man just so that I could someday be recognized and get all this attention. I mentally masturbated about that a lot about and it kinda worked. Well up to now because there is no fucking pressure from anybody no society. And im here with myself and I just don’t really care ? I hate myself for thinking that way but on the other side I clearly don’t care enough to get back on track.

Im really looking for any advice, experiences or book recommendations on how to find a purpose to get up again for my self and not for society or bitches, but rn I just feel defeated and disgusted of myself for being weak.

Take care brothers