Hey guys. Let me clarify what's the current situation (this will be a LONG post, so watch out).

It has been almost 6 months since I started reading all about red pill. Theories, men's rights, books, everything I could get my hands on. I'm 17, about to turn 18, live in Mexico and I don't have the money nor time to go to a gym (I currently study music, takes a big bunch of my time and I love it) so instead I resorted to training with dumbells in my room. Every morning I eat a pair of eggs, I help my mother to prepare afternoon meals (that way I can also decide to eat something healthy), and for dinner I take whatever I can that it isn't too bad for health. Started eating more of everything good so I could gain some pounds. I only have cheat days when my dad feels like buying pizza (not too often, every other weekend or so).

I read a lot. I try to be more sociable (I consider myself ambivert with introverted tendencies). I started asking whatever girl I wanted out. If she says no, I forget about her immediately.

I had this girl who I knew was playing with me. I didn't care, since I wasn't investing anything and she was giving me some nice things. Ask her out, she says no but says another day could be good. I set out a date, says "she doesn't have money". Stopped talking to her, and currently she's complaining on FB because I don't answer her texts. Why would I? She's not into me and that's fine (she has a boyfriend, still she wants to keep me around, idk but that situation screams DANGER).

Had other 3 dates with different girls. Nothing happened, they didn't want to go out again. Moved on.

Now, I stopped working out. I stopped trying to be sociable. Only times I go out is when I have to go to my music school (or to practice, since we have some summer shows planned). I devoted myself to practicing with my guitar since that makes me forget about everything and it feels so good.

I still read a lot. I still try to eat healthy. That's on the good side.

Bad side: I feel... Lonely. Sad. And as much as I want to go out and "hurr durr just talk to random girls hurr durr" (no offense, one guy was literally telling me to do that in such a way that just pissed me off) it doesn't feel right. I'd rather meet someone casually on my school than go and talk to some random girl and just be the awkward guy who gets laughed at for trying to be a Casanova.

Yet I know there's no other way. Because that's what everyone says, right? No amount of reading and thinking in your room can give you the experience to go out and make every girl yours. You have to go out, have some guts and risk being awkward.

It feels like following red pill guidelines makes me more sad than before. Before this, I would feel bad, but just because girls were stupid to me. Now that I get what's in their minds... It makes me even more sad. Because I know I have to commit myself DAY AND NIGHT TO FUCKING GETTING GIRLS IF I EVER WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING ON MY HANDS AND BE AND ALPHA MALE AND ALL THAT STUPID CRAP.

So what, be an alpha male then go back to actually fulfilling my own fucking goals? Or just fulfill them then try? And swallow the pain?

This doesn't make sense to me. I know the truth of what's out there. But that truth is hurting me so much. And sadly I feel like is hurting my social life even more. That "alpha male" tale is making me a douchebag. And I don't know about you but THAT hasn't made any girl I've asked out compelled to anything. I know there are millions of girls around, so it's not so hard to endure this. The part I struggle to endure is that of being completely alone because keeping them close just hurts myself a lot more.

Anyways, off with the complaint. Here comes the question:

¿How the fuck, if there's a way ofc, do I get through this phase? ¿Just wait and wait until pain goes away? ¿Go outside EVEN THOUGH I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT and talk to strangers? ¿Go to the doctor to see if im sick or something?

Just answer. Even though I'm whining I know you all have more experience than me, so I'll read everything without complaining. Maybe I'll ask more questions if I feel like it. It's just... I just needed to let my thoughts out, cause I need some serious help.