So clearly I reached the acceptance phase. I no longer give a shit about women, progression to power or whatever the bullshit is to get to TOP 20%.

Let´s just face it, I am a gamer, to some extend a nerd, so people generally speaking cannot really connect to me, and any positive encounter outside family members will be a random chance(even more so when it comes to women).
Most of the people in this city think that I am PoS(I guess for a good reason ?)
The reality is I tried to the shit I maybe should have done, but every goddamn time something happened(I trained for 7 months in a row and then endeded up in hospital and for god´s sake can´t get back to same rthyhm as before).
Had a GF for 9 months, the girl turned to be BPD so I ended it up.
This kind of shit.
Now covid is in effect for majority of this year and I honestly just dont give a shit anymore about most of the stuff.

So to my problem:
What I actually give a shit about is my physical appeareance. I gained like 10kgs in last 4 months so I now weight around 92-94kg at 193cm. Which is really not that bad, but the muscle department..is well fucking gone.
I now use my manual scooter to get some food/water/alcohol so its around 6-8km per day.Now the real kicker is the fact that I actually run.
The issue is I actually run only when I get some alcohol in my system. Like 2 beers a minimum. Now I don´t really drink that much..mostly 2 beers. But why the fuck I can´t get the motivation to do it unless I am drinking beer(and yes everything pisses me off more when I am drinking).