Hi guys, I am writing this here more to myself than to others to see, but I also hope it will help at leat a little bit someone who reads in the future.

Anyway, I feel that I need a change in my life, I am not having big problems with anything, I got money enough to live and go to a nice University, I get some sex, I have some girls attracted to me, I have some friends.... but, I want more than normality, I want to better myself and go in the top 1%. I want to be the shit!

Ok, now the long story about me: I had girlfriend (all I wished for at the time) HB8 let's say (10 in my mind at the time). She is kind of the best looking girl around here (small city), but the biggest red-flag I missed was that she was alpha widowed.

That sucked, we hd an awfull sex life at the beginning of the relationship, and she made me feel faulty for this, I was very sad at that times, thining that I am not good at sex at all (she sometimes stopped having sex because she was tired of me not doing something right). And I have been getting sex very hard form her (1-2/week). Then it came a period when she told me she does not feel the need of sex anymore (her exuse was: "I feel so good when I am with you because, with my (alpha) ex, all I could do was sex, we never talked or anything, he never cared about me, and I am very happy we can do a lot of things together, and it's a very big thing for me that I can enjoy time with someone without having sex, you should be really proud"). I believed her excuses and everything. In 2 weeks she told me she was going home, in a time where I felt REALLY sick, and she went to her ex (she auto invited to him) and they fucked.

Then I broke up with her, and suddenly she started to feel my absence, and she came to me to talk and say sorry, and we ended up fucking (my weak spot, we always make up like this...) at that time I felt that I fucked her good (she felt too, I always did but sex is a 2 way street). The fact is that nature helped me with a big "sex object" and she then started to notice that, and she started to ralyy enjoy me, and she started to become attached and everything.

Time passed, she dropped out school (I am on of the smartes students in here, and tried to help her a lot, but as a national quote says "you can't make a whip out of shit"), she left for her homwtown, but she wanted to keep the relationship alive. She then started to go out with a lot of beta guys who worshiped her, and she started have some kind of feelings for one in particular. I noticed that, because she was always prioritizing her plans with him instead of me, I told her goodbye, blocked her number, and in 2 days she is at my dor asking for forgiveness, and telling me it was a mistake and that she never did something with that guy (wich i trust, that guy was the most ugly beta motherfucker I ever saw). We had sex, we make up. 3 days later, that guy posts on facebook something with her tagged in. I receive a lot of messages lik "wtf is your gf doing?" I talked to her, broke up with her because she made me look disrespectd. She understood the stupidity of her moves, and she asked to be my plate (in her words). I agreed.

I was attached to her, really attached, and when she was out with another guy I was feeling very bad and I was unable to study or doing anything else that day. Now I started to hit on other girls (not having a lot of succes tho).

I'm in medschool university, and I'm pretty good at studying, and I love being here. Also I am very good (a prodigy) on internet marketing, I made some very nice $$ with my skills, but I lost a lot of studying time during the semester. So I could not stdy during the semester, and during the finals I was emotionally affected (it sounds gay) and I had problems at 3 big exams. If I don't make it to pass them the next exam period (2 weeks from now) I need to pay a lot of $$ to the university....

I need to start studying, I need to start going to the gym, I need to start sleeping well and getting healthy food. I need to stop being an emotional bitch, and stop the girls I go for affect my emotional state.

P.S. That girl I talked about is still my plate (the only), what do you think I should do guys? I can't change a lot of things right now, I am in exams period, and it's very important, but I also need to study, witch means I need to be emotionally stable, wich I can't do because of the fact that I let girls affect my emotional state.

If you have any advice for me shoot, meanwhile I wil lstart changing my life by starting right now to study. Cheers !