NEED HELP QUICK

hey everyone I have vacation right now

I spent the start of the vacation pretty okay, I was having fun (listened to podcasts, I chilled with my friends one time, I gamed), doing fitness et cerera

All the while I have a big test coming up. I need to read a lot of books in one week, because I went and put my problem aside and just not really care.

I am STRESSED out right now

I have to make a choiche for university and I like philosophy

I went to a “a day as a student” day and I felt useless. Now I am doubting my choiche A LOT. If I knew which study, I also wouldn’t even know which city. I am thinking about a study that is more job-reliable. I was on reddit and I saw “networking”. I know what it was but I am top fucking stressed about getting a job now. The problem with me is that I know what I want, but I am doubting and stressing about everything.

I want a family, a stable job, sport hobby, couple of friends and go to church and spent time with the community I will hav.

I have an IQ level that is 155 and I just want a stable job but I also don’t want to do less then I can do. I have been really lonely for a week now. I have not talked to anybody, really. My best friends are all in grades below me, as they didn’t pass. I am stressing about not seeing them anymore. I am thinking about not studying for a year and just working. BUT I DONT HAVE ANY FRIENDS IN MY HOME TOWN. THE ONLY FRIENDS THAT I HAVE - THEY ARE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS THO - are pretty far. My foster mother died a few years back and since then I have not had much contact with ppl in my hometown. I also fucked up with my crush and I am normally a confident guy. but she has been my crush for 3 years and I am so shy and when I was FINALLY talking to her I accedinally ignored her. Now she ingores me. I want to build a family with her, but I kinda know she doesn’t like me back and I am actually really worried she might change ways from being a good girl, to someone who sleeps around, drinks etc all the time because of her behavior lately (she didnt tell me, I saw it on social media) and I do want to marry “a good girl”. She does kinda hint sometimes but She is really extravert and enthousiastic about everything and she also does this with other guys. I think its just by accident and her character.

I am overthinking everything now and I have to read 18 books in 5 days now. I AM GOING CRAZY. my heart has been pumping so hard. i want to just go and run tomorrow morning BUT I CAN NOT SKIP THE TEST. It is impossible; otherwise i wont finish this year. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS VACATION TO END. I WANT TO GO TO MY BESTFRIEND AT SCHOOL. He has been really busy helping his dad work, so he cant talk but he also skipped me this vacation. THE PROBLEM IS THAT WHEN THIS YEAR ENDS I WILL HAVE TO WAIT 6 months for my study to start. I want to start footballing again, but my level is too low to get with my past friends. And the season ends when i am free. SO THESE 6 MONTHS ARE GOING TO DRIVE ME FICKINGGGGGGGGGGGGG CRAZYY.

And my mother and fosterparents had a REALLY bad Conversation today and Also a person i hated came. MANNNNN WTF

I fucking cried for the first time in months and I am just fuckinggggg panncking............................ WHERE DO I MOVE WITH MY FAMILY? HOW DO I BUILD CONNECTIONS. DO I NEED TO MOVE TO A PLACE WHERE I KNOW PEOPLE