Long Distance?

VasiliyZaitzev · 2015-11-25T12:49:04+00:00

I feel like my attachment to her holds me back from being more realistic about the women that I could find in my current city.

Because it does. Your LDR is an "Invisible Friend" who cockblocks you from dating/mating/plating other women.

Is it realistic to remain in love with someone who I can't see on a frequent basis?

No. It's even less realistic that she will.

Is that blue pill?

Du-uh.

Part of me fears sterilizing my mind of my love for her, because of who she represents to me.

And you think operating on the basis of "fear" is a good thing?

Is there a good strategy to this? Is it better to just "end" things?

The short answer is "yes".

The long answer is, how soon will you two be living in proximity to each other? If it is not within a relatively short period of time, then you're better off resolving it on good terms and seeking out local opportunities.

Once in a long while, someone will chime in how their unicorn virgin from a good family was totally faithful for 7 years until finally they were able to live together.

The way the story typically ends, the girl is riding some local D and not telling the guy about it for some or other hamster-ized reason, she ends up getting caught out (whether explicitly or by "acting weird"), or confessing after months of boning other dewds, meanwhile the guy has squandered months of being faithful and is left feeling like a total asshole. This sort of thing would make me feel homicidal so I don't do it.

WHY should a man give up his power (granting commitment) in exchange for nothing (i.e. no sex)? It's a shit deal.

Put another way, you can have Long Distance or you can have a Relationship, but not both.

OmLaLa · 2015-11-25T14:20:55+00:00

LDRs are cancerous.

If you went to Paris tomorrow for 2 years, every hot french chick within a 100 mi radius wanted your dick and you knew your gf would never find out if you fucked them, would you stay faithful?

Probably not. This is what happens more oft than not in LDRs.

[exert]

As great as Prince Charming is, he’s still only one guy with his own life, goals and destinations.

He can only be around her but for so long and his influences only reach but so far.

On top of this, her needs and desires for a "feel-good" stimuli are in the moment and must be considered at all times.

Let’s say she visits a foreign land for 2 weeks and becomes horny. Let’s also say she encounters a handsome Foreign Prince who meets all of her qualifications for being an alpha.

Because her focus is limited to the moment and the "good feeling" that moment is providing her, she’s likely to succumb to said feelings.

This is commonly why women explain their infidelity with “I needed you but you weren't there!”

She’s right to a degree; she cheated because her mind required that specific “feel-good” stimuli (sex, intrigue, lust) and due to the limitation of the man’s presence, influence or due to a lack in the over-all CURRENT quality of the stimuli, she went to seek it out elsewhere.

Because of how their minds are constructed, women don’t see sex with another man as infidelity. If they did, they’d also see going to X restaurant instead of Y restaurant due to Y restaurant distance or rundown state as an act of infidelity as well.

Women only see long-term utilization of another man's "feel-good" stimuli as cheating. That is why women weigh emotional infidelity higher than sexual infidelity in general.

Think of it like a cellphone tower. The signal that tower gives off are only beneficial to you so long as your cellphone gets reception. Anywhere outside of that range, you’ll require another means of communication to connect with your friends.

In this instance, you may “cheat” on your cellphone tower by using someone else’s phone out of the necessity of your current situation. Yet when you've returned home and you’re back within range of your tower, you continue with your phone as if it never happened. This is the mindset of a woman regarding infidelity.

[end exert]

mister_barfly75 · 2015-11-25T15:13:19+00:00

I feel like my attachment to her holds me back from being more realistic about the women that I could find in my current city.

That's because it is. Do either of you two have plans to move so that you're closer and can see each other more often? If not, what's the point on continuing?

Is it realistic to remain in love with someone who I can't see on a frequent basis?

You're not in love with her, you're in love with the idea of her. She, and you, have the time to prepare your answers and present yourselves in the best possible light. If you were to spend more time together IRL then you'd start to see all the little flaws and red flags which would show you that she's not the perfect unicorn you've built her up to be.

Is it realistic to remain in love with someone who I can't see on a frequent basis?

Nope. All this is is you preventing yourself getting out there and meeting real women and having real relationships. Much safer to stay at home pining over a girl that you're never realistically going to be with rather than get out there and risk actually having to date women and the possibility of rejection, right?

Is that blue pill?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Is it better to just "end" things?

Only if you don't want to get out of a stagnant situation that isn't going to change or get better.

TyranosaurusLex · 2015-11-25T20:52:36+00:00

Wow I feel this so much. Going through this exact same thing, in fact with two girls... One I dated before she left for a year, and I didn't want to try long distance because (listening to trp advice) it never works. I kind of regret that, but I'm kind of waiting for her to figure out if she's moving back or if she will live abroad. I talk to her a few times a month, but I definitely think about her more than I should...

Other girl I dated the summer after this chick left, and she moved away as well. Both were for good reasons so I can't blame them, but it does suck.

I've tried to think of it as staying in contact with them in case we live in the same place again, and I do find myself comparing girls in my city to them. But it doesn't stop me from pursuing others, it sort of makes me give less shits about them which actually kinda helps? Lol. Anyway, those are my thoughts. I'm sure it's better to not have those feelings and I'm sure they'll wear off over time.

redthrowawaypill · 2015-11-25T12:56:41+00:00

Have you had sex with this girl?

Title	Long Distance?
Author	kirbyleaf
Upvotes	1
Comments	6
Date	November 25, 2015 11:40 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3u7ek6/long_distance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/long-distance.156992 https://theredarchive.com/post/156992

Comments