Even though we broke up a month and a half ago.

The relationship lasted for over 2 years. Some of it was long distance.

We met each others parents, went to family vacations etc etc, and it was as serious as it gets probably.

She still has our pictures up on her IG and FB, and so do I.

I'm 25, she's 24 now.

Lately I spin plates, ranging from HB6 to HB8. I have a very good government job, as deputy head of department, from which I derive satisfaction. I travel a lot for work and partake in a fair share of trainings, workshops and other things related to informal education. I play the drums as a hobby and they are my passion, and my band is very well known regionally with a solid fanbase. I don't necessarily lift, I used to, but I eat well and maintain a decent form. I'm regular height ( 1.80m ) and 79 kg, not the leanest but not much body fat either. I'd say I'm well respected in my social circle. Not the center of attention, but always well met by people and as much as I can tell, people enjoy being around me. I wouldn't say I'm some bad ass UFC fighter alfa dude, but I'm far from a beta cuck. One could say, at this stage, there's not much more I could ask for from life. Car, apartment, job and the lot.

But if I'm honest to myself, I miss her like I haven't missed anyone in my entire life. The feeling is new to me. Miss is even a small word, I'd say I deeply long for her. I ponder calling her and asking her to come back together, and thoughts about her make a big portion of my daily thoughts. It's gotten to the point where I literally sit in the dark at night, before going to bed, and just feel terrible.

In reality, we haven't spoken since we broke up, except maybe her calling me once with the usual "I think breaking up was a mistake but its as hard with you as it is without you and I dont know what to do". The breakup was pretty hard, and I'd say out of practical reasons more than lack of affection/attraction. I've been with several girls since then, just casual sex, but this shit is affecting me to the point where my dick can't get hard because these girls are just so meh to me, even though most of them are solid 7s or 8s.

The fuck am I doing wrong RP? No snarky comments, this took courage to write.