Hello, my favourtie community.

Im writing here today for some much needed advice/opnions. Before I begin I want to say sorry about the lack of structure.

So. I'm 20 year old male. Living in the United Kingdom. Ive done many adventures in my short span of a life so far.

When I was 11 I lived In turkey for 3 years. Went to a Turkish school and learned to speak fluent Turkish. I did most of my childhood there. An amazing experience at that. I had both english and Turkish friends. I spent months and months doing everything and anything and outgoing child would do. From camping to waterfights.

Im trying to keep this short bare with me.

At 14 I came back from Turkey. This was due to my father wanting me an education.

Upon returning I started at a new school. For the final years of my education. It was also the time I met my first girlfriend and began my first realtionship.

Upon losing my virginity at 14. I also started boxing. I was very good at it. Began winning and winning. Had at total of 32 amateur fights before 16.

However at 15. My father decided I was man enough for the world. He was ex Royal Marine. Upon his decision I thought it would only be right if I joined the British Army.

At the mature age of 15 and 8 months. I began my training at the Army Foundation college. Another shock to the system. I was still in realtionship during this time. However after about 6 months. I was introduced into the world of hookers.

So here I was a 16 year old. Shagging hookers every weekend whlist maintain a realtionship and also learning to truely become a man. Firing all types weapons from the SA80 A3 all the way throught to the GPMG. Throwing grenades. More hookers. Drininking. Sleeping with other girls.

Anyway I digress. Before the end of my first year of Army training. I began to box again. I basically spent the last few months of training. Being paid to be a full time boxer.

17 years old. This really was another turning point. I was Army boxing Soilder. Slept with more hookers and girls than I can count.

However at 17. After finishing both phase 1 and 2. I was deployed to cyprus. This was also the time I broke up with my girlfriend. So then I worked in Cyprus and boxed for about 8 months.

At 17 yeard old and 8 months. I decied the Army was no longer for me. I left. This was the hardest decision I had to make. I essissantal cut my 2300 pay a month back to fuck all.

At 18 years old with the savings I accumulated. I began re training as plumber. I also bought my first flat.

19 years old was the toughest time In my life. I always had acne. However this time It came back full force. I had diguesting acne this time.

To top it all off I was also diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. So for the past year or so Ive been struggling unbelievably. Low apprenticeship pay. Horrible acne. Struggling to eat.

Anyway im finally at a good point again. This disease is being maintained. My acne is gone. I have my own place. My co workers love me. I have many friends. Nice car. I read often. Go out ofen. Ive been going gym since I was 15. Nutrionally sound. Great shape. Dont struggle for girls.

However the reason I wrote the story.

Despite everything Ive been through. Despite everything. I have and do. I constantly feel hopeless. Ive been feeling this way ever since I went that harsh spell of acne and new disease.

Why do I feel so hopeless/empty all of a sudden. I know I need a life mission. However ive tried many this past month. None seem to make the spark ignite.

Hope this wasn't too much or too long terrible writer. Has anyone got an idea of how I should approche this depression/hoplessness?

TLDR: Feeling hopeless/depressed despite my actions to change it. Any thoughts.