I'm new to redpill. Been lurking around for a few months. I understand much of the principles of TRP, but still am not able to decipher my situation.

I was a beta who destroyed my life over a slut i went to high school with. Things were alright until we split up for college. I was a total moron who believed her and destroyed 6 years of my life while i thought we were in a long distance relationship. I saved my virginity for her (Indian here), while she drank, partied and fucked chads through college. Later she denied even having known me ever.

I was in so called 'love' with her, and at one point i've even justified her slutiness.

I have not swallowed the redpill yet, because i'm still in the process of getting myself out of being a beta.

My problem is i don't want a relationship anymore and I'm only attracted to women who are sluts. The extremely slutty kind. I don't know if that is because I'm unhealthily trying to find a new her.

I'm sorry if I still sound like a loser. I welcome all criticisms and any help i can take.

I'm 24, got away from college party circles and being a muslim back then (no longer) got close to the moral policing fucked up nazi group, who'll fuck me up if they come to know.

I now am done with med school and a doctor. The only positive thing about my life.

Honestly, I don't trust women and want nothing beyond sex. I'm also a badly on the heavier side and been a complete pussy on gymming and skipping 3 days a weej and need a whack on my head because I justify it with my crazy work schedule. (5'4 100 kg) I feel like I am not helping my case. But, despite best my efforts, I am failing.

Any help TRP seniors? I have been at war with myself for so long, that I am a total mess, and unlike the rule of TRP, I feel, my prime goal is now to lose my virginity and not betterment of myself. I'm so mindfucked and been in therapy for years to get out of the mess I was in.

I have constant dreams of my one-itis even after so many years. I feel i'll go mad if I end up a 25 year old virgin.

I need to come out of this. Despite having no residual feelings for her since 6 months, I still can't help myself.

Ever since I've been reading up on TRP, I've been able to talk to women well., but have never gotten good with it. I've been in a relationship, but never even had my first kiss. I know it sounds stupid, because I was a beta who was being used.

Also I have an unhealthy jealousy towards my male alpha friends who have been trying to help me sincerely, over the amount of pussy they get.

Sorry if I'm whiny. Go hard on me. I deserve no mercy. I'm a moron who destroyed the best years of my life over a slut.