Looking for feed back on improving intelligence and the feeling of being inferior mentally. I graduated with my bachelors degree in biology and recently scored high on my GREs. I know I'm not a total idiot but my workplace performance proves otherwise. I've been a waiter for 8 years. I know a lot, i've learned a lot, yet I still constantly make newbie mistakes. Sometimes it feels like I just can't get better at my job. Considering the amount of time I should be a strong worker yet it is known that i can not be depended on. The mistakes I make in the workplace only make my job harder and cause me to miss out on working high end parties.

I've also recently began working as an office manager at a doctors office. I hope this would be a fresh opportunity to prove my value as a worker, but after 8 months the results are the same. My peers know i'm not a horrible worker, but also aren't confident that I can always get the job done. I am about to start a new job as an asbestos analyst at a environmental laboratory and i'm nervous.

I think their are multiple issues as to why my performance sucks. I come from a immigrant family and my parents aren't the most nurturing people. My brothers and sisters often joke that our parents would label us stupid and lazy before we even understood what those words meant. Honestly they're very critical and most of the time they're just being bullies to relieve their own stress. I feel like years of verbal abuse specifically focused on my performance has left me with performance anxiety that is dooming me to failure at all my jobs. I'm thinking some of this might also be subconscious. I also recently went through a phase of deep depression and anxiety. I worked hard to pull myself out of this phase of my life and things are generally better. Don't consider myself to be depressed and my social anxiety is completely gone. I'm in the best shape of my life, have a gf, and a strong social life. But I notice at work I do fall about into my anxious tendencies.

I'm looking for any advice that will help me be a better worker. I have many friends who are amazingly workers and successful at their jobs. I know what a strong, alert, proactive worker "looks" like but i've never been able to develop these abilities in myself. I know how to work hard, I know how to think, I've done it all before, but this never shows in the workplace setting.