Need advice about self improvement and procrastination

BajaGhia · 2019-04-18T03:49:53+00:00

Oh you fucking pussy.

You've got your whole answer right in your post.

Discipline is giving up what you want right now to get what you want most in life.

Games, weed, porn, are great, when you don't have a life worth living.

AWorseManThanYou · 2019-04-18T04:13:06+00:00

What helps me is to tell myself: this action is harmful, this action is helpful. Then take a mental inventory of why it is helpful, and then visualize myself enjoying it. Then do it and actively try to enjoy it. Habits will form.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2019-04-18T06:53:43+00:00

1) Procrastintion has everything to do with self-sabotage, because you fear that there is no outcome that will be good.

This is usually driven by what I describe as Task-Completion Anxiety.

Note that many of your ancestors lived in countries at high lattitudes with long, punishing, very dangerous winters. The purpose of this anxiety was to prevent you from going outside and freezing to death in the winter unless the payoff was a matter of life or death. But squatting in a small log cabin all winter eating frozen meat and dried vegetables and chopping wood was boring as fuck, so you had to have the ability to focus on small meaningless tasks.

But then central air conditioning and cars and trains were invented and natural selection still hasn't caught up.

2) It turns out that a certain amount of boredom and unfocused time during the day is important to mental health and creativity. This is actually when the brain tends to be most active which is why meditation can be beneficial.

You're trying too hard to fill that void of boredom and preoccupy yourself when you need to get rid of excess external stimulation, at least for an hour or two.

I actually recommend jogging as once you build up the stamina to go at a strong pace for several minutes, it is extremely meditative. Yes it's boring and that's the point.

I have tried to stop doing all thing I found unhealthy and non optimal for me cold turkey all at once(caffeine, screen, videogames, porn) but failed utterly.

Of course you did.

This was another bit of self-sabotage drama on your part.

This was set up from the very beginning to be an exercise in futility, extremism and unsustainability because your fears demanded it be the case. It is not in the nature of the brain to disregard fears.

Trying to draw your sword and death-charging the enemy didn't work for the Japanese in WW2. It's not going to work for you. I think you knew that subconsciously.

You wanted to validate to yourself that such actions were in fact futile and bound to dissapoint, just like you feared it was.

You also wanted to prove to yourself that the status quo was better than the action. That the devils you knew were truly better than the angels you didn't know.

The thing about Learned Helplessness and self sabotage is that it seems like the most reasonable, urgent, and meaningful course of action at the time. Because there are pretty powerful subconscious needs at stake.

Reason and logic is, unfortunately, always the servant of the subconscious.

If you want to cut out these things, take small steps.

Start with video games . Take a weekend off to cold turkey yourself. Don't worry about other shit. One baf habit at a time. Delete all the games on your computer.

a certain ground on which I can decide what is legitimately bad for me and what is okay in certain contexts,

The context is: When it gets you validation for your fears which you crave, or instant gratification. Then it feels perfectly reasonable.

that isn't an extreme ascetic lifestyle.

You mean, a joyless existence that doesn't require you to participate in fulfilling activities and positive goals, nor ever enjoy results of efforts.

To get to the point, I want to stop doing things that are unproductive,

It's not necessary or really is it healthy to be productive 100% of the time.

Rather, moderation in all things. Your issue is moderating your fears and self-sabotage or self-limiting behaviors, and not being able to find a middle ground with them.

Being productive isn't much use if you don't get to relax at the end of the day and enjoy the fruits of your production.

but I don't know where to draw the line.

This is a very characteristic statement of Task Completion type of Anxiety.

Video games aid in my procrastination

The tragedy here is you don't even enjoy them at this point.

You're using it to soothe and self medicate the distressing fear that nothing good is going to happen if you do ABC, and if you start ABC it will never end.

Video games give you simple, highly scripted, black-and-white, and contrived goals, effectively removing fear and uncertainty about the eventual outcome. Meanwhile it rewards you with a completely false sense of power and self-actualization. It is an opiate for young men who struggle with feelings of powerless, personal insignificance, aimlessness, and futility.

There's definitely a risk to becoming too emotionally involved because it distorts your basic notions about cause and effect, goals and rewards. I think in your case it makes real world uncertainty and open-endedness to become even less appealing to think about.

but I don't know where to draw the line with them because I seem to have no self control

No amount of self control is likely to enable you to force yourself to stop breathing, or to continue to press your hand on a hot frying pan, for example.

I wouldn't put too much stock in the idea of willpower or illusions of control. It's not as good as most people imagine it is, otherwise casinos and drug addictions wouldn't exist.

Discipline isn't about willpower or self control.

It is about establishing simple, daily positive habits and rituals, and sticking to them. Meanwhile, doing things to interrupt negative habits, such as setting an alarm on your phone.

when I play them and I'll play them instead of work out.

That's easy, delete the games.

If I'm not living entirely ascetically then I get drawn to sub optimal things

Nothing in life is optimal. We think we're trying our best to "manage the chaos."

In the reality the chaos and the sub optimum is you and you'd have a hard time finding a single human being that doesn't fight tooth and claw to preserve the chaos and preserve the inefficiency.

instead of things that are good for me like exercise and sunlight. There are benefits to the computer, like learning things, but something about the screen makes me want to stay on it instead of doing healthy stuff.

The screen isn't frustrating and damn confusing, or less so than real life.

I read "healthy stuff" here to be a euphemism for anything other than trying to hide from distress by being inert couch potato. It's not really a matter of whether it's healthy or not.

I have no impulse control whatsoever.

That's an extreme oversimplification. You probably have pretty good control in your games. You probably also have pretty good control when driving or doing stuff at work. But things that require planning or serious decision making trip you up badly, and cause you to engage in avoidance behaviors.

but the computer still seems to draw me away from other things like reading books,

Unplug it. Grab a book.

_thechinaman_ · 2019-04-18T13:34:20+00:00

Yes yes you are neurotic and don't know how to handle it so you drown yourself with pleasure to escape the thoughts. You need many things. One thing is reach for the heavens and have something that goes beyond your existence to pursue. If you have this dedication towards this transcendent ideal then it will be much more gravitationally pulling than "I don't want to play video games". Another thing is that you need to embrace your neuroticism and understand that you are pathetic and don't know shit and will be a victim of history if you don't get your fucking shit together and read some fucking books, expand your mind, and lift. You should feel bad. You are not where your transcendent ideals lead. Happiness is being an ignorant doormat.

Cross_De_Lena · 2019-04-19T16:04:40+00:00

Didn't read the post but the best way to beat procrastination EVERY time is the 5 minute rule. Do something you hate but need to for 5 minutes, chances you'll finish the task this way are higher.

Title	Need advice about self improvement and procrastination
Author	nattyyyy
Upvotes	2
Comments	9
Date	April 18, 2019 2:23 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/begao7/need_advice_about_self_improvement_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/need-advice-about-self-improvement-and.235558 https://theredarchive.com/post/235558

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