Despite progress in other areas of my life thanks to TRP, I have a pretty big issue that has started to consume my life without an end in sight.

I’m pretty sure I have binge eating disorder + body dysmorphia. I have been dieting for the last four years (I’m still a teenager, turning 19 soon), ultimately failing by putting the weight back on. I usually eat clean, but I can eat a lot of food without feeling full whatsoever (lepton resistance?). Furthermore, people tell me I look skinny, but all I see is more fat that I can lose, and I think this originally stemmed from the pretty severe gyno I developed at a young age, which gave me extremely bad self esteem issues.

I’m what you would call your typical skinny fat guy. 5’8, 140 lbs give or take, gynecomastia (diagnosed by a doctor, so it’s not pseudo), all fat stored around love handles and stomach area (my legs look like they’re sub 10% body fat), low muscle mass, etc. In a nutshell, I absolutely hate the way I look, and it seems like despite all the dieting, I can’t lose the fat that I have, even though the scale goes down and I start to look a bit better.

All this yo yo dieting left some pretty awful self esteem issues, which ultimately led to an eating disorder. I can eat insane amounts of food without feeling full, and I count calories to the t, even during a binge, and then I end up feeling awful and guilty about it. My entire life is basically run by calories/food/tracking/feeling guilty and anxious about overeating.

To make matters worse, I’m 99% positive I have low T. All the symptoms match my current symptoms (fatigue, low libido, no interest in opposite sex, irritable, low muscle mass, etc).

I regularly lift, eat clean mostly (except when I binge), will be speaking to a dietician soon, and will be getting blood work done to test hormone levels next week. Despite lifting, I can’t seem to put on any significant muscle mass. I got a tiny bit of noob gains when I first started, but it seemed like my body didn’t change at all.

If you’ve come this far, I commend you and thank you. Any advice for a young guy like me to get out of this vicious cycle of letting food dictate my life? I’m tired of feeling guilty and depressed all the time because of food. It’s getting in the way of my passions/goals/missions.

TL;DR I’m skinny fat, have developed an eating disorder from bad self image, have symptoms of low T, want to end my cycle of yo yo dieting and finally feel confident when I look in a mirror