Hey! I will try to make this as short as possible.

Currently I have been seeing a girl for 4 months. We are in a relationship (We are both 21 years old).

This girl has all the red flags (bad family, alcohol, bad friends, very insecure etc.) in the world.

Before her I had 3-5 fbs in rotation but I had the desire to have a relationship as I cant keep up with the that lifestyle anymore due to school and also because I would like more intimacy and have more time for my personal goals.

I am known for being a "player" and she knows it as well, which cause her to be very insecure in the relationship.

Anyway I got this specific situation and a more general question for you.

The general question: In a relationship I want the power and I want the girl to chase me. With my fbs I did really not care at all which causes them to chase all the time (resulting in them being very insecure, giving ultimatums, crying etc.). But with this relationship I do care about her and I do not want her to feel like my fbs even though I do want the power and want her to chase. I just do not think that it is necessary to take to that extreme. For example, last week she broke down in front of me, crying and saying stuff like I seem so superior, she knows that other girls wants me, I do not care about her enough, do not text her enough and so forth. But I do not want to be a "beta" either and do everything she wants and give her the power of course. I want to find a happy medium where she is not too insecure and feels generally good about the relationship. But how do you do that? She has told me that in the early stages thought alot about breaking up because she feels so insecure and I seem emotionally unavailable. And this is not the first time. Many fbs have given me ultimatums before because of this.

The reason I am so strict with this girl is because of all her red flags. The truth is that I have slowly started getting feelings for her and do not want it end and want to avoid making mistakes.

I go cold and hot all the time (in her eyes) because I am very busy and have things to do and do not text her the way she hope i would. The thing is when I go "cold" she does as well because she is afraid to feel rejected. She will then be cold over text until me meet again and I make her feel good.

I think this is what is causing her to feel this insercurity because when she goes cold I go even colder as well. And the reason for this is really because I do not know how to handle it. My course of action is to just be aloof because in theory it will make her wonder more and make her chase. But every time we meet I can really feel that she is sad and affected until I make her feel good again.

Finally the general question: Should I begin to chase her more to give her more security? My reasoning is that she might start to feel that I do not care about her and I have read from other experiences that this can in fact cause her to distance herself emotionally which I do not want. What is the right thing to do?

The specific situation: A few days ago she tells me that she will text me later in the day when is she is done hanging out with some friends. So far she have lived up to every of her words. Guess what, she don't. First time ever. And she was the one forcing me in to a relationship. I think this was very disrespectful and when I finally decide to get a gf I want her to keep her word. This is of course not a dealbreaker for me. This stuff happens. What I did was not texting her all, just going out instead.

The days leading up to that day I was very cold over text and she might have got insecure again if I did really care about her just like she used to do.

Should I have texted her to see if she was ok? Normally I just do not care but maybe she wanted me to text her to see if I would care? That is fking games, I know but could these games be a symptom of something bigger?

The next day she text me that she was sorry she that she forgot to text me but she got really tired. How should I respond to this? I know it is bullshit but what should I do?

Are you serious? Forgot? She who is so concerned about my attention and approval. This makes me so angry.

My instinct is to punish her (text her something like "ok" and see if she makes up for it, otherwise just going completely cold. Or maybe just ignoring the message) but I feel like I might have punished her too much by going too cold. What if in her mind she is so miserable that she just almost cant take it any longer and tries to tell herself to end this relationship? I am sure she has got that advice from many of her friends already. What if being this aloof and non caring is what in reality will end this relationship?

Thank you very much. I might post this on seddit as well just to get a different perspective.

Many reagards!