Hey guys,

Im fairly new to the RP society but I can say that I have been lurking through several posts and am very fascinated by this ideology. I am still learning my way through RP vocab and I must say I fit the standard definition of an incel. I carried blue pill logic most of my life until I had my first relationship in highschool.

My history: I was overweight, unattractive most of my life until I got into shape in HS and can say that i had a relatively high SMV. This relationship went sour as I was bestfriend's with this girl for a year then we decided to date. She talked to me before I was in shape/became attractive so I genuinely appreciated and trusted her. I was the most cingeworthy beta at that time and failed every shit test and had no idea about how women worked. My bestfriend had liked her for 5 years, but he was way more overweight than me and had an obsession over her. She rejected him several times and gave me all her attention. Once we dated she began hanging out with him without telling me, I told her to stop, she wouldn't. So I ended it. They hooked up a week later and he got further than me in a day that I could get in our 3 pathetic months of dating. Anyways after this experience, I grew a disdain for women. I thought I would never like anyone again and that they were a waste of time. Let's Fast forward to University.

The Present: I realized that I have a very idealistic and obsessive personality. I was the "fall in love" at first sight kind of beta kid. I crushed over a girl in first year who even asked me out to a formal dance and I laughed it off. I was scared of rejection, why would I let anyone say yes/no to me. At the time I felt it was my ego, but I was just a pussy. So here I am now with a girl I obsessed over for a year. I built her up in my head and thought about all the things we would do and the fun we would have if we were in a relationship. She helped me with homework whenever I asked. She had a very shy, sweet welcoming aura. I finally grew a pair (and I know according to RP standards my actions were still beta) and I told her I liked her and asked her if she wanted to hang out in person so we could get to know each other better.

This girl: She said yes and thought it was a good idea to get to know each other better before doing anything else. We began talking more in person but we didn't click at all. My one year of fantasizing was worthless. She was boring, plain, secretive, and treated me like an option. She then told me she was engaged a year ago and that didnt work out. (She's muslim, hence the young arranged marriage) She slipped in and out of phases of wanting to talk to me and said that she was was treating me the way she was because she was still hurt.

I probably sound pathetic as fuck rn, but I completely changed my mindset once I heard all this. All my feelings were gone for her, I didn't even care. I wasn't hurt because I realized I never really liked her. So I told her let's just be friends...and then guess what. She agrees and a week later confesses she really likes me? Some days I genuinely like her and some days I hate her. Maybe I'm the problem I'm not sure, but I was wondering if anyone has gone through this scenario before. We talk everyday and she shows more interest than me. I feel that I should pursue this fully to get what I want out it (sex) or should I just ditch her as of now. I've come this far and feel my integrity has been insulted because everything seems to work around her favour and when she wants. eg: she's super affectionate now, but when she treated me like an orbiter before she claims it was just bad timing and she didn't want to open up to anyone.

There's a part of me that feels she is a genuine shy girl who is just scared of being hurt so I don't want to do anything too drastic. But then again I don't want her to think she can get away with being manipulative and assuming that she pulls the strings. BTW she wants to be official with me since we've been talking seriously so long....Idk what to do.

What my current views are: I've just been longing for the idealistic feeling of having a LTR. But from what I realize, RP preaches that this is not possible. That's the part I'm lost on. I feel that having a relationship with a woman comes with compromise. Why is the term "relationship" automatically associated with beta characteristics. My GPA is amazing, I have a great job, I'm fit and pretty aesthetic, but I have lately felt the void of not having a girl in my life so this is why I haven't drop this oneitis b/c some part of me actually enjoys it. Does RP simply preach to bang as many girls as possible without catching feelings? (Sorry If I sound utterly stupid and clueless, but this is why I'm asking for advice)

Appreciate all RP advice, thanks.