Alright so, I need someone to discuss this with and I can think of no other place than this. I've been trying to get pick my life back up after my breakup with my LTR (she was my first girlfriend) so it took quite the toll, after some reflection, not much to be honest as I'm avoiding the whole topic, and after reading this thread https://selfishkings.com/2018/05/05/so-she-dumped-you-become-a-selfish-king/ I did indeed realize that my problem was the fact that I wasn't happy without her and my happiness came mainly from her attention and affection, when she'd withdraw it or when she would spend time with her friends I'd get needy angry and controlling.

this thread above resonate with me quite a bit however, I still have some false beliefs that I hope someone can through discussion, help me break them apart. I realize that happiness comes from within and that I should be self satisfied woman or not.

but my problem is I can't quite perceive how it's possible; all my life I've been longing for affection and when i finally got it through lots of hard work, I certainly though this was it i was at cloud 9 most of the time and now that that's gone I can't imagine how i can achieve something similar to when i was hugging my partner, etc

The other problem i face in my thought process is that well, she goes to the same university as me and I ABSOLUTELY DREAD the idea of seeing her with some other dude just walking around or anything similar

Finally i know self improvement is my way to go, but i live in university dorms and the idea of me just rotting away in my room an hour and a half away from any major city just studying, reminds of me of my old life and i can't really bear that.