Hi.

Long story made short, I've been bullied in elementary school and a bit in High School. Even though years later, I'm probably at my absolute best physical shape so far, finance status, professional life, and in pretty much every other areas. From a couch potato, I became someone who's productive, and has spent a great deal of time in self-improvement. All this has happened in a relatively short amount of time.

But I've been dealt a massive blow to my newly gained confidence. My physical frame is 6 ft and 181 lbs. Don't know about my body fat level, but I'm quite lean, visible abs, serratus, etc. So I'm NOWHERE near big. I've always felt small and weak.

I've switched gyms to a more ''fancy'' one, where the general population is on the extremes. There's like 40% out of shape or just skinny males, and 60% meatheads. Some of them are like 6'4 ft, pushing impressive amounts of weights.

Most of the girls there are 8s and above. So pretty much only very hot women.

There were no free benches, so I asked one of those guys if I could do in parallel. "Yeah, but don't change weights, cuz too we'll waste too much time." "Alright", I said. - that alone, was bad for my confidence, I've been submissive. My last good set was at ~90 kg. Managed to squeeze a few reps at 100 kg. The guy went on to like 140 kg for plenty of reps, to the point where I just left.

This stuff dealt such a bad blow to my confidence, I feel even smaller and weaker than I used to before. I've always felt sort of brittle and petite next to those types of guys and it reflects in my relationship with women. Sometimes when a woman finds me attractive, I feel truly unworthy, because I'm not big enough, not lean enough, not muscular enough and not strong enough. Pretty sure those hot girls only eye those guys, the top dogs, not the sheep, of which I'm part of. It actually happened that I had ED because of my complexes. I keep thinking this sort of stuff: How would I defend myself if it'd ever happen a beastly guy would pick on me?

How can I get out of this mindset?