Hello there.

Recently I have been noticing some glaring issues with my game and I need some help on getting it sorted. I want to give a bit of backstory just so you know where I am coming from. Sorry if I write too much but I really want to get this out of my head and get some advice, so if you read and try help me then thank you in advance.

I am 24 years of age, and I've struggled on and off with depression for years (as many here have). I was raised from birth by my single Mother for 3 years until she met my step Dad who I resented growing up, I had no real father figure and I spent a lot of time on my own playing video games. I didn't know what else I was supposed to do as a kid. Going through school etc I was never bad with girls, but never good either. I never did anything sexual until I was 16, and then lost my virginity at 17. My problem was that I was never really taught about women, and barely had any interest to learn. I was to busy smoking weed and playing games. Whenever I did get laid it was a girl that had initiated it and escalated while I let her. I never initiated because I didn't care about sex, if it happened then I let it but I wasn't going to chase it. I felt chasing it would be a waste of time, I just wasn't as interested in women as the other guys. To this date I have slept with around 10 women, only one of which I had a 2 month relationship with. I like sex, but it never seemed worth the effort.

I started reading trp about a year ago, and I had been reading Good Looking Loser before that. I have the advantage of being quite good looking. I got lucky with my genes. I'm not saying that to brag, just so you know my struggle. When I get a fresh haircut, I turn girls heads, I see girls whisper and point. I get the come fuck me eyes from girls a lot but never act on it because I'm to much of a pussy. I often have people tell me that my looks are my best feature. I found trp after breaking up with my 2 month girlfriend last year who I had major oneitis for. It felt like I was reading the shit my Dad was supposed to teach me. Suddenly a lot made sense.

First you must understand this post is not complaining about trp, I love the sub and genuinely think all the info etc is correct. But I think my problem is that now I have taken the red pill and mixed it with dgaf ebooks and a shitty upbringing, it has had a negative effect. I don't really know how to explain this so sorry if I am rambling but I'm just going to go ahead and explain a scenario that happened the other night. I picked up a girl that I fucked a few years back. I proceed to drive to a spot in the middle of no where planning on fucking her. As I parked up she was talking about her life, how shit it had gotten bla bla bla. I didn't care I just wanted pussy, but when I met her years ago, I did care. I cared a lot about what she had to say back then. So she's talking and I told her what I would do in her shitty life situation. Of course she got offended as "I can never know what it's like to be her" (classic). Because she had raised her voice at me after not seeing me for a long time I felt seriously disrespected. She had no right to do so in my car. The thing is I didn't know what to do. I was angry inside, but I learned from trp that showing anger or entering her frame is not a good thing to do. So I stay silent, because I don't want to flip my shit about something so stupid. I have no interest in starting another conversation due to feeling disrespected, so I take her on a 20 minute drive home in silence. It wasn't awkward for me because I didn't give a fuck. I just want it to be clear that my problem was not that it went silent, but that I didn't get pussy.

Raising her voice got to me. And it shouldn't have. And this is where my problem lies. I don't know how to react when a girl says/does something I don't respect or agree with. trp says not to always agree with a girl, it's good to cause some tension and show your not a bitch right? But also it says not to lose frame, not to enter her frame. If I tell a girl I don't appreciate something she has done, I feel that I come across a pussy and I feel like a bitch. I feel like I am admitting that something she did has effected me in a negative away, and therefore she is buckling my frame. But I also don't just want to let her get away with it and walk over me. I'm stuck.

She messaged me today saying sorry for the other night. I'm tempted to text her that I won't even be meeting her again because of it. I would like to fuck her but I feel more of a need to teach her a lesson. I feel like I'm taking trp way to literally and just being an unfiltered asshole. When I didn't even know about trp I slept with this same girl. And I cared emotionally back then, I was probably a bit of a pussy but I didn't think about it like that. Now that I have the knowledge, I thought about it way too much and I failed. It's like my brain is a calculator that gets stuck trying to work out the answer while I just sit there in silence brewing on it. I don't care about the silence or any awkwardness or losing a lay. I'll just drop her home because I feel the slightest bit disrespected.

Did I do the right thing? Is that what I am supposed to do? Just next her because she disrespected me and onto the next one? I think if I keep nexting girls because I feel like they've disrespected me then I will go through thousands before getting a fuck.

Due to my upbringing not being very masculine, in the past year or so I have been doing everything I can to turn that around and be a man. I've been working out a lot, picking up new hobbies etc etc. I think sometimes I am overcompensating for the years I missed, I try so hard to be a "man". In situations I'll think to myself "what would a man do".

I haven't been laid in 2017. I've hit a new low in my sex life, yet I am more confident in myself than ever, physically and mentally. How is this happening? It seems the more confident I get, the more I just push people away and not give a shit. I was friends with the same group of people all throughout school, they were amazing friends, and around the start of this year we pretty much broke off contact. They are all still friends, but I am now excluded, and... I still don't fucking care. But I should. I know I should. I want to care. I'm worried for my mental health because of all of this. I'm worried that I didn't mentally mature properly. I don't have any close friends or anyone to talk to, and that doesn't really bother me either. It just bothers me that it doesn't bother me, I want to have meaningful relationships, I just don't feel like there's anyone worth it.

I realize it's a bit hard to make sense of what advice I am asking for here. I guess being stuck between getting angry or staying silent was my main gripe. All I ask is that if anyone reads this and can relate then let me know, and let me know what you did to make things better.

Thank you