I feel as though my higher being logical self is always at war with my lower being emotional self.

I've noticed that in the last few months, my level of empathy has gone up a lot. For example, when asked the Trolley question (would you directly kill one person to save a few, or would you indirectly kill the few in order to not directly kill the one), I used to always answer very logically. Things have started to change. The thought of directly killing someone, even if it means saving several others, emotionally pains me to the point where my answer has changed.

I struggle with controlling my emotions. I get overwhelmed and pissed of very easily. I don't always show those emotions but bottling them up pains me emotionally.

I constantly ask myself, "is siding with my logical self worth it, if it means shutting down and suffocating my emotional side to the point where it's almost unbearable?". I understand that in the face of conflict, I need to stay calm, collected, and think logically. However, my lack of control of my emotions make this very difficult.

My question is the following: Will I eventually feel comfort in siding with my logical higher being at all times? From my understanding, this is how one builds character. Will my brain structure alter to the point where I'm just naturally calm, cool, and collected at all times without feeling emotional pain in faking this state?