Questions regarding expectations...(21F)

CptDefB · 2013-12-21T12:00:48+00:00

You are doing everything right as far as a gf can. If you're a great gf like you say you are then he will have no reason to leave or cheat on you. Men generally feel the need to cheat when they are denied sex on a somewhat regular basis so don't be in a position to deny it. Don't ever use it as a bargaining tool either. Obviously I don't know your bf so I can't say he won't but if I was in a great LTR it wouldn't ever happen.

Manuel_S · 2013-12-21T09:26:56+00:00

Take what you see here with a grain of salt. A lot of the advice is how to deal with 80% of the woman population and groups them in the "slut" variety.

By making it open from the start, you're: a - marking yourself as unworthy of respect b - making it look as if YOU want to do it around c - taking away boundaries on him, so he'll abuse other stuff as well

If the guy wants to do it around, minimum is he should be deadly afraid of losing you. And this here's the rub. That's what you should aim to be, the kind of person a man would be terrified of losing.

This is a small list that started as a couple of points, but then the normal errors I know of just kept coming on. Hope some of these are useful to you.

Never ever say a disparaging thing to others about your man AND MAKE SURE HE NEVER EVER DOES EITHER. That sort of lack of respect kills. This includes inlaws and close relatives. And always, always the children. Work problems off in privacy.
Take care of yourself, your body, your looks. This is vital.
Never lazy off - don't go around the house looking and smelling bad. Don't let him either.
Don't bitch - which is not to mean you should be a doormat.
Whores and pimps in the bed, gentlemen and ladies outside. Go kinky.
Never ever bring shit up when the guy's just arrived and is settling down. He shouldn't think, when opening a door, that he's going to hear a tirade.
Never make him lower his self-regard. Keep yours up.
What he promises you is sacred, and vice-versa. Don't let him slack off on his word.
Accept courtesy graciously, as your due, because you'll be doing the womanly things as well. A man is made to enter into a man's role, accept your own and enjoy all the perks. If you cook and stuff, HE should bloody well handle the trash, all the heavy shit, and keep the stuff in good repair.
Vital: look good when you go out with him, and classy, and smell good too. Always be the classiest one, or at least on the top 10%. He should be proud to have you on his arm... and know other guys notice you. Jealousy works.
Unless he is a dumbass, he'll notice quickly how you're comparing to the others and prize you more.
Have little romantic habits and ideals.
Pick your battles. There are those you should not fight, those you should start that you'll let him win, and those you damn well won't lose.
Let him have his man space, including even a safe harbor where he can bring a couple of friends to have a beer and watch the game - and they'll all be envious and compliment him on having such a great woman who'll make sure there's snacks and beers and not crowd them.
He wants to go out for a couple with a buddy? Smile and cheer him on, ask him to bring a snack for you, and enjoy your free time for yourself.
You need some free time? Humorously pack him off to go get a beer, and make sure he knows you need the peace and quiet.
Praise him with some frequency, including his strength when he shows it. Men love to show off their strength.
Make sure the kids respect the father like the wrath of god, and that the father hammers on them to respect their mother like a saint.
Dirty laundry is done at home.

Older time wisdom would go like this: If your man is looking to score some younger women, well, he's not behaving well. Though its not all bad and a sure homebreaker - a lot of times, that kind of thing sort of lowers the pressure and is even seen as normal, depending on cultures.

What is considered important, in those cases, is that the guy does not fail on his duties at home, keeps up the family, treats the wife well and so on.

Usually, drinking and gambling are the killers.

Reddit_SLC · 2013-12-21T08:16:18+00:00

I don't see what you are asking.

You are doing just fine. You're both in a happy, healthy, normal relationship. Keep it up.

Asshole_Perspective · 2013-12-21T07:33:52+00:00

You should not be looking for advice here. Someone as impressionable as you are should instead ask someone you trust. Without an adult perspective on yourself and others, the material found in this subreddit is liable to cause you to look at the world through a twisted lens.

For starters, if you and your SO turn 40 together and he wants to go off and fuck young women, you picked a real piece of shit, and you obviously have no self respect. There are such things as open relationships, but judging by your outlook, that's something you'll probably never be able to handle. That kind of thing is reserved for people who are very solid in themselves and their relationships to the point of transcending social constructs.

My advice to you is to forget everything you've read here and just be yourself. Make yourself a better person each day and love freely. Dont give your boyfriend any liberties he doesn't deserve, and be true to yourself first.

Title	Questions regarding expectations...(21F)
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	14
Date	December 21, 2013 5:42 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/1tdoyv/questions_regarding_expectations21f/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/questions-regarding-expectations21f.138631 https://theredarchive.com/post/138631

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