Hi y’all. Long time lurker on TRP forums -

Short background context: just recently got out of a relationship four months ago, which definitely ended partially due to my oneitis, and also partially due to pure incompatibility. I got my shit straight shortly after that relationship and my life has been pretty solid and great - I’ve been hanging with friends a lot, traveling, talking to women, and my self esteem and confidence was sky high as it was at pre-oneitis in my former relationship.

So in the past 30 days I got set up with this girl. She’s a few years older than me (26 vs 29) but she’s also really attractive and is almost out of med school. I have an M.S. and I’m doing well in the data and coding industry. Intellectually we have similar interests and a good match. She has told mutual friends this as well. Conversation flows effortlessly, etc.  We’ve been on 4 dates or so (1/week) in the month we’ve been talking and they’ve gone well. Prior to then I wasn’t invested much at all which is partially where I credit my success with this girl so far.

The only reason we’ve been hanging out 1/week is because I bought a fixer-upper house and have been working daily after work to fix it up before renters move in. So my day has been filled with the gym, work, then the house, with little to no leisure time and that’s spent respond to her texts when I had the free time. It felt like it was on -my- terms being this busy awesome guy.

I swore I’d never let myself become a bitch with one-itis again, but problem is these past few days, I’ve caught myself checking my phone more frequently waiting for her to text back, have been frequently mentioning setting up “hypothetical future date”s based upon our shared interests (example: yeah we should definitely check out kayaking at X location at some point). The interest in date setting has been reciprocated but now after looking at my texts I feel like I’m showing more investment than her. As in, I’m the one setting up those hypothetical dates more often than her, and I’m the one that seems like I’m starting to chase, when before this week, I was feeling chased. I’ve been reading into texts moreso than before when prior, I didn’t really give a fuck. So long story short, I feel oneitis teeter tottering, but it’s not here yet, and I’m catching it before it grows.

AskTRP, what do I do here? Before I get the traditional response, I can’t just talk to more girls and “spin more plates” because I’m actually a guy so busy right now that I don’t have time for more than one, maybe, two without risking my job or progress on my rental unit. Or, am I reading into this too much and mistaking my attraction to her as oneitis? In my last relationship, these symptoms were vastly more extreme, so I don’t have much to relatively compare to. To sum it up, I don’t want to fuck this up, and I also don’t want to feel any slightest bit of insecurity.

TDLR: cured oneitis after breakup, because an awesome MF-er again, meet awesome girl, feeling oneitis (or maybe not oneitis) coming on again. I can’t just spin more plates to fix it as I’m too busy and every spare hour of my time is consumed.