Right now I'm pretty confused with where I am in life, I don't really explain things well or know where to start even so whatever, I need/want my reality to be broken, as it's so hard to analyse myself (I'm attempting meditation to clear my mind but not so great atm) I need outside perspectives that hurt.

Background : So basically starting out as skinny fat most my life, my first gf was at 17, around average, caught oneitis hard, even cried to her on the phone to get some pity, lasted about 6 months. From there sort of started dating a lot more, I had more gfs than anyone I knew within a year, 18 moved to Australia and I don't know I couldn't talk to girls at all. Became a beta follower to this chick, 19 went to studen accom, first week in a whole lot of bullshit happened and got accused of rape coz this chick didn't want her bf to know, got outcasted, hung out with this guy who was fresh out of jail, moved out to a hole in the wall, got into drugs, not for long tho, moved out 3 months later, 20 I met this ex heroin addict, got her pregnant, she mpved to the other side of the country to where her mum is and met a new guy, I was half relieved but I was ready to drop my life at the time, also cried on the phone, I wouldn't have trusted me either to look after a child, I was so weak. 21 met this chick from student accom who now lived up the road with her bf, he skated, he taught me to skate, then I stole his gf (I still try to claim ownership of women at the slightest sign of interest), she had bpd, arguments lasted months, still had oneitis, this is when I found trp. Didn't think much of it, 22 - 24 sorta just flatlined, lots of lsd and mdma, nothing special, I go back to my country every school holidays since 18 and have a holiday gf for three months then dump her, back home I have so much fun, but I think it's holiday mode.

Present: I'm 25, been on trp since January, went from being a loner stoner skinnyfat beta at uni with no real job ever. To now being in training to be a foreman, spinning 2 plates, one of which I don't really want to message again after she had stank pussy last time I saw her, the other one I've caught oneitis for and am kinda obsessed that she's cheating, so I've kinda been trying to cut her out but I miss her ay, especially after a long day. got averagely ripped, still skinny but skinny fit. My job is pretty much telling mostly women my mother's age how to build electrical shit, 5 years studying electrical engineering and I don't know shit tbh. I gotta go home and learn.
I asked for advice on another post coz I don't think I'm actually sexually attracted to women anymore, I feel like I'm emotionally attracted, or I'm just talking to validate myself, I was told "don't eat if you aren't hungry" which is great advice but I don't feel sexually hungry, I feel emotionally hungry and I feel like that's bullshit. I'm getting more confident socially with ppl I'm not attracted to but as soon as I get a little validation I want more, especially if they're cute. Only reason I go out is in hopes to meet a chick but I just end up spending money to pretend to have something to do and pussying out, tried to pick up a charity chick coz she pulled me up to sell me charity got rejected, wasn't sour bout it tho

Advice would be good, criticism would be great. Cheers cunts

Tldr: I'm not good at summaries so probably just don't read it