To keep my life story short, in the last year or so while being married and having kids, I've truly swallowed some red pills here and there and starting making a stand in my life. I stopped watching porn (porn habit progressed into very, very beta cuck territory after being cheated on not sure of the psychological damage there, objectively very negative for an alpha).

I also stopped drinking, stopped smoking under threat of divorce, isolated myself from pretty much anyone but my wife, my best friend (male) is flaky as shit and went from alpha in H.S. and military life to a beta cuck raising another man's kid and settling with an HB7 as his reward, now he's fat, out of shape, and fights with his wife the same as I do with mine, and I'm pretty sure she'd bang me if I persued... so he's not much of a go-to for anything anymore and I don't like being over there since there's an obvious push pull thing going on with me and his wife everytime I'm around since I have a higher SMV. That's a whole nother story...AWALT.

I recently started working out again, intensely, and have been a low-carber for quite sometimes since I had always battled obesity and maintenance but I maintain a stocky large frame regardless, the only pro side is I build muscle fast and end up with huge biceps, for example, without even really trying beyond muscle failure once a week or so. I stay envious of skinny fucks that can get a 6 pack, even though when I'm lifting it's obvious they are envious of my gains, wierd huh? Anyways...

I write this today because here I sit, chain smoking marlboro reds, kicking back a 6 pack of coors, chatting with chicks from tinder and pof, went off my diet and ate taco bell and an entire bag of doritos last night, surfing the red pill and listening to seether.

I haven't seen or spoken to my wife in two days and am hanging out at my father's house while he's out of town at work after arguing over sex and dinner. She's a stay at home mom of two, with a strong hamster, and prior to having kids I was Captain Beta Bucks that got cheated on twice, and I work my ass off to barely if even pay the bills, and pay for her new car that we all knew we couldn't afford as I struggle to pay off my dream car.

I've been sitting around, drinking, smoking, and watching the most beta cuck porn ever, jerking off and contemplating taking DMT and why the fuck I was so blind and stupid with this woman.

TL:DR

My life is a fucking mess in the last 48 hours, no best friend, not even speaking to wife, chatting with tinder hoes, drinking, smoking, and jerking off when I gave up on all that shit to workout and learn, read, and progress as a person. WTF do I do now.