So I guess you could describe me as a narcissist. I had abusive parents and I grew up with very little self esteem. At first I was quiet and shy but eventually I began to overcompensate for this by becoming an arrogant asshole who only cares about himself, and hates everyone else.

I don't want to be like this anymore. I get away with it because I'm tall and fairly handsome but I don't want to be this way. Deep down I believe I am a good person who has gone through a lot of pain and suffering.

How much vulnerability do I actually show? Mentally I go from extreme neediness towards women (wanting then to cuddle and hold me) to complete contempt (wanting to fuck them and get rid of them). This is obviously unhealthy and I want to make a change.

I have a lot of demons inside that I've never told anyone about. My childhood was very abusive and I don't know how much of this I should disclose to people. Being dishonest about my true nature doesn't work very well and I need to change. I need to present myself as what I am and be brave enough to be judged for it.

I do quite well in other areas of life (sport, academics) but socialising is my Achilles heel.