A little pre-text: I was raised by an extremely authoritative mother, and my dad barely had an influence on me, so naturally I grew up to be a beta male, and obviously I couldn’t get a girl for the love of my life.

This February I got together with a girl from uni, but I went so extremely beta it’s disgusting to even think about, so naturally she got repulsed and broke up with me after a week.

Then I found TRP, and read as much as I could, but didn’t internalize or apply it, which is 100% my fault for being a lazy POS.

In the summer, I met an intelligent and hot girl in a camp and my “ex” tried to get me to start again, but she seemed too much hassle, plus I remembered Tomassi’s rule of time being better spent on getting new girls, so I went with the new girl. I took her on a few dates, and I entered into a relationship with her (I know, I’m a fucking retard and all it’s synonyms.).

Turns out, she never even had a kiss before me (and based on how heavily she was breathing when we first kissed and how conservative her family is, I’m inclined to believe it, I might be a fucking retard for that too.)

I know most TRP principles, and she desires me more than I desire her (she doesn’t want to let go of me at the end of our dates), but I fear it’ll change.

I’m afraid I will backslide into being a blue pilled retard, and this is giving me constant anxiety both about the fact that I didn’t learn shit and that as a result of me not learning shit, I’ll lose this girl, who checks most RP and personal boxes.

TL;DR: Had my first “GF”, went beta, she broke up w/ me for being a beta. Found TRP, studied it without internalizing it, but used it successfully to get a new GF. Now I’m afraid of both backsliding and losing my new GF too.

What do I do to genuinely internalize RP concepts and keep the relationship firmly in my hands?