I am at a stage where I view almost everything my LTR sends my way as a shit test. As a result, I miss out on the comfort tests and I am trying to figure out how to differentiate the two. My girlfriend frequently speaks in a very direct way, it is easy for me to interpret these as shit tests.

The other day, I think I failed a very important comfort test. My LTR is a bit of a loner and doesn't hang out with people. She started new classes and she was put into a group to work with. Apparently, her group members are very rude to her. She spoke with the professor and he is apparently not going to do anything about it. I figure it must be serious since she usually does not complain or have issues with people acting like jerks. In this case, it seems like they are going over the top.

Anyways I saw her the other day, and first tried to figure out what she was feeling. She appeared very negative and first responded with telling me to "get out" (a very normal thing for her to say when she is upset). I shrugged and began to leave. As I was leaving the front door, she stopped me and told me not to go, and seemed clearly upset. She was telling me about her issue, and at some point asked me if I'll always care about her and be there for her. For some reason, my shit test alarm triggered and I said something like " yeah if ___ (enter condition to earn my care and presence", but also kind of in a joking way. At this point, she closed off and just isolated herself for 30 minutes.

I eventually undid my mistake, but I am wondering how to catch these comfort tests more often? I know my LTR is a very defensive individual when upset. She has issues opening up about her feelings in a vulnerable way, and prefers to act aggressively to people when they upset her to avoid getting hurt.