Hi everyone, I'm a 19 year old and never been in a serious relationship. I wouldn't necessarily call myself a beta but I haven't been social for most of my life as I've been mostly a gamer for my teen years and then started focusing on building up my art skills for a future in the comic industry.

As you've guessed I've never had sex before and for the most part, that doesn't really bother me as much as you'd think. There is this urge and loathing for companionship but girls my age aren't worthy and too Thoty for my taste. These urges usually bring me into a sort of depression where I abandon my skill progressions and I find it very hard to think through those periods.

Especially now, I've recently been binge watching MGTOW videos for the last couple of weeks and even knowing what I know from the comments of the broken men who went their own way, how manipulative and vain most, in not, all women are... I'm still naivety holding out hope.

You could say I have a crush on someone I met during a foreign exchange, so she lives in a different country from me - I usually don't fall her type but there was something about her - anyway, anytime these days I hear of younger women whoring it out for the sleeziest of young guys these days who'll use them and dump them for the next best thing makes my body crumble - as if if there's a static shock and my hands have a slight seizure. I don't know what it is. It's especially odd since I don't know her that well and she's mostly busy with her volunteer and school work.

I don't know where I wanted to go with this post, I just don't know what to do...