Some specific clarification on certain "nice guy" behaviors and aspects of frame

merrill1400 · 2019-11-25T18:32:29+00:00

I was always a "nice guy" to some degree, in the sense I wasn't pump-and-dumping women, belittling them, getting into lots of conflicts, trouble with the law, etc. And it took me a while to figure out the whole dating scene and how to handle convert contracts, assertiveness, etc.

It starts with a simple rule: if your trust is violated, there is no remedy. You can extend trust to a girl, but if she violates it even once, you walk. And you do this with a clear mind and without emotion, because as a man, you have bigger projects in life, and more important things to work on than your dating life. Women are an amusement and a distraction.

So who the fu** cares if you are "average" looking or under 6 feet tall? That shi*t is for women to worry about. Let them have their hyper-critical, superficial world, and walk right on by. Work on becoming impressive in the eyes of other men: developing leadership abilities, strength of character and body, etc.

And if you plan on getting married and having kids, assess the situation rationally. If you have a low SMV, or even if you are in that 80% of men women deem undesirable, you better have a damn good reason for tying the knot. You are taking a massive risk, as 50%+ women cheat and 80% of them initiate divorces. You could get cucked and robbed, and you will have no one but yourself to blame.

thrwy75479 · 2019-11-25T20:02:17+00:00

How can you deal with these situations so you don't get fucked over, but also ensure you're not coming off as not trusting the other person?

Trust, but verify. When people break contracts, ideally, you want to gather more information to figure out whether there actually was malicious intent. However, sometimes you have to react quickly in social scenarios, and add punishment.

Punishment is necessary because it prevents people from fucking around with you in the future. You have to be careful though that it is measured, and commensurate of the crime, e.g., you don't want to kill someone because they made a remark about your hair.

I would recommend reading "Influence: The Science of Persuasion" by Robert Cialdini.

But I've noticed that the less attractive you are, the more resistance that you have to put up with for them to accept assertiveness and leadership from you.

Everyone loses their looks eventually, and if a guy only has that, he'll become a mess when he starts losing attractiveness, which will cause any girl to eventually leave.

Physical attractiveness opens doors, it won't keep girls around for too long if that's all there is to a guy.

Assertiveness means you have intrinsic value, and that you are deserving of respect. If anyone—girl, or guy—is not giving you that, then you don't have to put up with that bullshit. This will automatically make people respect you more, and be more open to influence from you.

how tf do you develop a frame strong enough to sustain that level of testing? Is it just mass approaching until you kill your ego?

The only way to improve is through deliberate practice. This is different from repeating the same thing over and over again expecting to get better. It's defined as follows:

Deliberate practice always follows the same pattern: break the overall process down into parts, identify your weaknesses, test new strategies for each section, and then integrate your learning into the overall process.

In the context of game, this may mean focusing only on your approach. Perhaps you would want to change your vibe to appear less intimidating. This could be done in different ways, different clothing, a relaxed walk, etc.

It's also important to measure yourself in some way. Maybe you'll do 20 approaches this week, and define success as having a pleasant conversation, perhaps you'd define pleasant as 10 minutes of words being exchanged in a continuous manner. It depends on how detailed you want to be. This way you have feedback about your performance, and may even bring a friend to provide a 3rd person perspective.

When you've optimized your approach according to whatever benchmark you've set, you would move onto other parts of your game. Perhaps opening, or push-pull, closing, etc., the idea being that you're working on only one part at a time, and introducing slight variations to hone your skill.

How do you develop a frame that encourages following you rather than resisting you?

You have to be moving. If she likes the direction you're going, then great, she'll hop on. If she doesn't, then she won't. Over the long-term, seeing you growing, and developing, and having success will automatically make her follow you.

In the short-term, it goes back to demonstrating high value whether it be through your behaviours, social proof, peacocking, etc. When she sees you have value, she'll follow.

UnbreakableFrame · 2019-11-25T18:25:55+00:00

You trust things and people constantly, whether you like it or not. Every time you go through a green light at a 4 way intersection, you are trusting that a drunk driver isn't going to broadside you at 80mph. When it comes to transactional consent, just use common sense, be as clear as you can, and try to communicate via permanent mediums, like email, whenever possible.
Frame is not about women and it's also independent from how you look. You are also conflating frame and confidence, which are not the same. Confidence is what you are willing to do, despite fears you have. Frame is the set of behaviors that you exhibit, as well as the set of behaviors you are willing to allow others to bring into your life.

Title	Some specific clarification on certain "nice guy" behaviors and aspects of frame
Author	We_Broke_Up
Upvotes	9
Comments	3
Date	November 25, 2019 3:38 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e1hos9/some_specific_clarification_on_certain_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/some-specific-clarification-on-certain-nice-guy.296583 https://theredarchive.com/post/296583

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