I never struggled with being physically bullied as a kid because of my size, but I was shy - so I learned how to make people laugh.

As a kind of class clown sometimes, I could make almost anybody laugh. I think I put too much effort into this. Its not as fun anymore and I'm not as "relevant" but here comes the super awkward part of the question:

Gay humor? I'm not gay but I will crack jokes and weird people out to get their reaction sometimes. I'm just now realizing all the sudden that people might actually think I'm not straight if they don't understand that I'm joking. So I had this massive flood of anxiety and regret and grief and I feel like an idiot. And wonder if women who saw or heard this kind of joking would be turned off. Even if the kind of material was sort of raw, sexually energized, subversive (and genuinely funny in my opinion.)

Particularly because, I was pretty happy when I was somewhat popular in school and well liked. I always knew it wouldn't last forever, but now I have to wonder what chances I have with all the people who I made myself look like an idiot for to get a cheap laugh. Not that I give a shit, but I feel like I need to be taken seriously and get respect in order to improve. Also really considering the difference between intimidation (fear) and respect...