So last night me and my friend went to this really cool bar. There was a bar floor, dance floor, and live performances. While watching some of the performances my friend met this chick and they just started making out on the floor. I was just standing there trying to enjoy the show. After the show ended they talked for a while and she asked him to go home with him. I left the scene after a while and pretended that I was on a phone call.

When I found my friend outside with the girl and her friend he asked me, "You wanna go to their place?" and then he asked the girls friend, "Do you mind if my friend comes with us"? She said, "I don't mind it doesn't matter to me". The girl who my friend was with came out and said, "just to be clear, my friend is not going to have sex with you tonight". Afterwards, I said, "that's fine, now where do you guys live?" When she told me Brooklyn I just looked at my friend and said you go on without me, I have shit to do in the morning. I said goodbye to him, and said nice to meet you to the girls.

I was drunk and very very pissed off. While I was waiting for the train I sat on the platform thinking of why my life sucked so bad. This older man came up to me noticing that I was drifting in and out of sleep on the platform came over and said, "buddy the train is coming, do you need help getting up?" I said, "No, please just leave me alone" I remained seated there. I see the train coming, I really didn't care what happened to me, the man took me from underneath my arms and dragged me all the way back. I remember telling him, "fuck you". He said, "I don't know what you're going through but you look young. It'll get better I promise". I just got up and walked away.

I was on the train for 2 hours, defeated, hurt, annoyed, and hurt.

Why can't good things ever happen to me?

Why do I have to live?

Why can't I just die peacefully?

I think i'm not even going to look at women anymore. I'm just going to keep masturbating and avoid all contact with them unless it's work related. I hate them with a passion, with everything in my being.

Fuck everything, and fuck women.

I don't know what to do anymore. Should I just off myself?