TL:DR I'm fitting everything my LTR does into potential red-flags, and it's gotten to the point in which I can no longer distinguish false alarms from actual red flags.

I started reading TRP when I was 16, so TRP has pretty much shaped me into the person I am today. I have improved my life in multiple ways since then, and it has all been thanks to you guys.

Since the TRP has played a huge role in my life for the last 3+ years, I have an idea of what I'm doing wrong in this LTR, but I'd like to have some input from someone from the outside.

First thing first, let's start with the red flags I've noticed with my girl that I am 100% sure of, and my rationalizations:

  • Lies to her parents

Her parents are the definition of a failed marriage, they live together and pretend all is good but fights all the time. Maybe she doesn't trust them or care about them enough, even though she says she really likes them.

  • Cheated on her last bf with me

Me and her were together for a year and a half before I broke up with her the first time, she claims that she still had feelings for me and that she couldn't have done it with anyone else.

  • Raped

She was raped at a party by two guys once, which resulted in depression, she hasn't told her parents about it. She says that she doesn't think about it anymore yet cries as soon as the subject is brought up.

  • Emotionally unstable

This is a result of her family situation + the rape.

  • Often gets into defence mode when questioned

I tell her something I don't like and she throws back something she doesn't like with me.

Next, red flags that I am not sure of, hence why I'm asking for your advice.

  • Claims she hasn't talked to her boyfriend since she hates him for cheating on her (yes, they both cheated on each other), yet she talked to him with a happy, and almost even flirty tone when he called a few days ago.

  • She openly gives IOIs to guys when I'm around, subconsciously. Maybe this is as far as it goes, maybe she doesn't know about it, even though I've told her about it multiple times, but I don't know what she does when I'm not around.

  • She has sent nudes to multiple guys in the past, and I'm uncomfortable with that thought.

  • She has loose friends. I have had sex with one of her best friends while she was in a relationship with another guy, and didn't tell my girlfriend nor the boyfriend. Her friends go home with chads almost every weekend for "afterparties".

When I went out with her one day I sat down at a booth while she went dancing. I saw her go to the bar with a guy I didn't recognize, they exchanged numbers he gave her a drink, they hugged each other, etc. Sounds like a red flag if not straight up crossing the line, right? Well, turned out it was her second cousin she hadn't seen for a long time. I made a fool of myself big time when I confronted her, and now I'm starting to doubt everything I believed in.

Perhaps I actively search for red flags in her that can fit my stereotype of what a cheating girl does.

Let me end on a positive note, followed by why I wrote this.

  • She always tells me what she's up to, calling me whenever she goes out and lets me know whenever she gets home

  • I can access her phone whenever I want, since she added my fingerprint to unlock the screen, and never hides anything she does on her phone

  • She's telling me she's doing everything she can to show me that she's not a cheater anymore

  • She's planning a future together with me, and that she tells me she doesn't take lightly on this relationship

I personally think that she's putting special effort into showing me that she's not the cheater she once was anymore, and that she would tell me if she ever cheats on me, since she did tell her boyfriend that she cheated on him (however, that was after I said that I'd tell him if she didn't.

I'm asking for your advice because I feel like I'm looking at her like she's my special snowflake.