Hi guys, it's my first time posting here so let me give you a bit of background: I have an open relationship and I'm 28 and I dance a couple of latin dances.

​

So I was dancing with this girl and she kept caressing my neck and I felt a huge sexual tension between us. We danced the whole night and didn't really care to dance with other people. I wanted to kiss but I got self-conscious because a lot of people who were around us don't know my relationship is open and I keep worrying about being painted as a cheater. Fast-forward: I did some text game and got her to invite me to her place to "practice" and made her cook for me in exchange for the dance lessons.

At her place, we have a nice dinner and get to know each other, that was probably my first mistake, I must have given her too much of a "looking for relationship" feeling. We then danced a lot and got very touchy and cuddly. Then we were no longer doing any dance moves, just holding each other and caressing, and that sexual tension rose again. I tried kissing her and she resisted, asking me why I wanted to kiss her. I told her I felt like kissing her because of the obvious tension and connection we had. I made many other mistakes because she kept throwing shit tests at me such as twisting my words and trying to get me to admit I had second intentions in my mind, but unfortunately I never admitted to them, I didn't want her to feel like I had gone there just to fuck her, because I also enjoyed her company, but I also didn't want to admit that sex was also in my mind from the start. Anyway we kept going push-pull for the whole evening and eventually it got so fucking tense that I grabbed her head and kissed her and she finally gave in and made out with me. After that, she said "there you have your good bye kiss" and I just conformed with having half the battle won and left.

​

I now think I should have been truthful to my desire and told her something like "I can't deny I haven't thought of sex, I mean you are hot and you invited me here, so you must have thought about it too" and I would just own it up and keep pushing forward until she gave in. I believe she wanted to fuck me and was just trying to get me to admit to it so that she could feel shameless for fucking me. But because I didn't admit, it would be on her and she would feel like more of a slut. I should have created an environment where having sex is accepted without judgement. Also, my responses might have made her think that I'm not sure what I want.

​

After that night, she texted me and we talked about it. She told me that she has been single for a long time and she is 34, so she has done casual sex before and now she's not really interested in that. But I think even if she wants to find someone to be in a relationship with, she is still a sexual human, so sex is still a pretty good activity to do. I think she would still conform to having sex, I don't think women have the "all of nothing" mentality where it's either relationship or nothing, she would still prefer having sex, but she's trying to push for more than sex because it's in her instincts. What I learned from that conversation is that she has done casual sex before and she's older and more experienced than me, so she is experienced enough to know I wanted sex, so she loses respect when I don't admit to it. She sees my responses of that night as an immature approach to casual sex, because pretending to be interested just to have sex is something men usually do early on. A more mature guy would just be direct and tell her "yeah, I want to have sex with you, who wouldn't? You are attractive and intelligent and we have something going on! I'm not really looking for a relationship but you never know, let's not put any labels in this".

The other thing I failed to mention is that I have an open relationship, because I didn't want to lose my chance with her. And now it's getting to a point where she will lose her trust in me when she finds out. But I may still have time to tell her before she finds out from different sources. So I have two different sort of questions for you guys:

​

1- What should I have done? What should I do when a women unmasks my intent?

2- How do I admit to wanting sex without being a total jerk? And how do I explain that I don't just see her as a sex doll but as an actual human being who I want to have a mutually fun sexual night with?

3- How/when do I tell her I have an open relationship?

So my idea right now is to have a chat with her and explain that I'm not looking for anything serious at the moment but I'd like to meet her again, but I'm also not interested in being just a friend. Just like that, assertively. I could also add that I have an open relationship and that I just felt a really great connection with her that I wanted to explore and so I'd like to meet her again, but I fear she will get in that mindset of "he already has a relationship, so it's a waste of time doing anything with him". I say this because I have another girl that doesn't want to do anything with me because she sees sex as an investment into a future (relationship or family) so she doesn't want to do what she FEELS LIKE because her brain is rationalising that it's a waste of time since I already have a girlfriend. So I really want to know how to change the mind of these girls, how to make them do what they FEEL LIKE, i.e. how to help them turn off that rational thinking that tells them it's a bad investment to fuck me.