Hey guys

So i "unplugged" (I only use quotation marks because I'm fully aware that I wouldn't be writing this post if I was fully unplugged) about a year and a half ago.

It's been a funny old journey but to summarise:

  • Gone from £20k in debt a year ago to debt free today

  • Just changed careers from accountancy (which I find very boring) to sales (which I find very rewarding) and kept my c. £100k income

  • Gone from a terrible dry spell to having 3 HB5-6s on rotation with a very interested HB9 lined up

  • Gone from 17% BF to 12.5% whilst maintaining weight

  • Smashing the gym in very good shape

  • Solid social circle with lads I genuinely LOVE hanging around with and are a very positive influence.

My problem is still girls, not gonna lie.

I met one Indian girl on the train, cold approached, it went really well - we went for drinks together before we headed off in different directions. I asked her to come over to cook me a curry and she says yes. I message her to confirm three days before and she denies saying she'd come over, tries lying saying she'd never agreed to it (she had, I got screenshots). Soft next. Re-approach two weeks later, we have god banter, I ask her to go for drinks. She replies "Location?" which I think is a bit rude but reply "place name." No reply since.

Another girl, we have good banter, looks like it's going OK. I message her today asking to go for drinks on Friday. She replies "Sounds good, I'll let you know if I'm free." I already know this means I'm getting flaked on and is a polite cop-out.

Tonight, I'm in the pub with my mate. I notice a HB8 blonde on the next table making constant eyes. As we're leaving I approach, saying "Hey, I don't want to give you a big head but I think you're really attractive, can I grab you're number and we'll go for drinks?" She replies "Aww thanks but I have a boyfriend". I go in with the standard "It's OK, he's not invited." She and her friends giggle. I pass her my phone to put the number in, she says "No, seriously. I'm being serious." And the vibe goes VERY weird. I just say "OK girls, have a good night" and leave SHARPISH.

Fourth, most important one. Meet this HB9 in a bar last week, she is OVERLY keen. I give her my number because my phone is dead and wake up to a text from her saying "Hey, remember me?". Of course I remember you, but play dumb. Anyway, I ask her if she wants to go for drinks next time I'm in the city, she says "yeah, definitely!". we continue chatting, she asks about what I do. I tell her litle bits about my hobbies but also spin a couple of banter lines in there (eg. "I'm a hitman, I just go where the money is") She replies with "Intriguing....". That was two days ago and if I'm honest I feel like the opportunity is gone, I may be wrong.

If I'm honest I feel like there's a CORE piece of understanding that I'm lacking still, because I'm still BOTHERED about the result of these things, despite having 3 (less good) girls on rotation. I spot girls giving me the eye and being interested ALL the time, even very hot ones, but as soon as I open my mouth I've fucked it. What is it? I meditate regularly by the way and use psychedelics once every couple of months which have been very helpful.

I'm completely over the anger and depression phase and completely accept the way life is but still feel like something is... missing? I'm not quite master of my own destiny.

Thanks

Also - just given up smoking. Not sure how much of an impact this is going to have. I'm interested in how deep the psychological impact of being a slave to another person / substance actually goes.