Validation Seeking & Stoicism (Long Read)

Zrxqw · 2018-05-19T22:01:45+00:00

I stumbled across this completely on accident but after reading it through I felt like I needed to out in my $0.02. Just taking the post as a whole, the feeling I got out of this was that "I'm in a negative state and I can't seem to find my way out. If I could just have a few wins, maybe I could gain the momentum I need to get things going and get better."

The issue is simply this: you will never be happy regardless of validation by anyone except for yourself.

Now, I can relate to you quite a bit. I'm not going to act like I'm all high and mighty or like I've gotten everything figured out because I don't. But here's what I have found.

You need to praise yourself for little victories. You're attempting to better yourself, that's good. You're brave enough to acknowledge that you want change, great. Sure, you may not get the outcome that you desire, but it's the journey there that counts.
You've gotta do it for yourself. The only person in this world who can ever make you happy is yourself. Sounds cliché, but let me tell you why that is. Imagine the girl of your dreams came up to you and decided to be yours. Do you all of a sudden become this ideal man that you want to be? No, probably not. In fact, I think this situation would actually cause you to revert back to the person you're trying to change. When we get what we want without work we become complacent. When we become complacent we become stagnant. When we become stagnant we stop growing. You're on a journey and you don't know whether or not anyone else will validate you for undertaking it. You don't know if you're going to be successful. You may not find what you're looking for. But you can decide here and now that you're going to accept the outcome and use it to better yourself to be the man you want to be.
You have to be patient. It's easy to jump into the idea of changing ourselves and breaking out of our shell to become who we want to be. But that's not how the human brain works. You can't just change your entire being on a whim, and if you could, you wouldn't be able to keep up this act forever. People will tell you "fake it til you make it" but all that does is leave you doubting yourself. It's more important to prevent yourself from falling backwards than it is to keep moving forwards. Don't be afraid to stand still and evaluate where you're at and where you want to be. Make a plan on how you're going to get there and then crawl your way there if necessary m, but whatever you do, don't look back.
If you love yourself, others will love you. You see, humans are walking BS detectors. If someone even subconsciously perceives that how you act doesn't match up with what they see, they're going to be suspicious. When people are suspicious they're defensive and when they're defensive they won't let you in. Don't smile at the stranger walking by because you "have to" in order to be polite. Smile at people because you're living life and just enjoying the ride. You'll find that when you stop trying to get approval from people they're more responsive to you. If you hold yourself in high regards, others will as well.
Rather than trying to change yourself into something, why not just allow yourself to become who you are day by day? The more you try to force the shoe to fit, the more cramped and tense you're going to feel. You're you, and while there are some things about yourself that can be changed, there are some that simply can't. That's okay. In fact that's awesome. Life wouldn't be fun if everyone was exactly the same. Embrace who you are because there's not a single person in this entire world who can ever be you. Don't try to become others, become the one others strive to be.

I struggle with a lot of the same confidence and self esteem issues and I know it's not easy. But my options are really only limited to two things. I can give up and stop trying or I can keep moving forward. It's difficult to keep myself going and I have to constantly remind myself that if I stick to my goals and work on myself just a little bit every day, that person who seems like a far off dream will become a walking reality. I know the journey won't be easy, but nothing ventured nothing gained. In your times of greatest weakness you can find your greatest strength. If you bend or fold, forgive yourself and try again next time. If you stand your ground and stay true to what you want, you'll be one step closer to your goal. Life is short man. It could all end tomorrow or you could live to be 100. Regardless of when it does end, do you really want your last thought to be something along the lines of "I wish I would've just loved myself and lived life to the fullest"?

vandaalen · 2018-05-19T23:15:41+00:00

CTRL + F "lifting"

No matches found apart from the sidebar.

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Retstortion · 2018-05-19T21:14:31+00:00

Be a man Be stern about your desires Say no to people

wildnight98 · 2018-05-20T00:59:03+00:00

You have to like yourself before you can expect others to like you. What about yourself don’t you like? Fix it. Do some things that are hard and interesting. If you’re totally lost, go walkabout in Europe for a year. Just fucking go. They don’t call it “finding yourself” for nothing.

Meanwhile, lift like your life depends on it and sidebar. Have you read NMMNG and WISNIFG yet?

Title	Validation Seeking & Stoicism (Long Read)
Author	Aaron_Aero
Upvotes	2
Comments	10
Date	May 19, 2018 9:03 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8ko3ar/validation_seeking_stoicism_long_read/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/validation-seeking-stoicism-long-read.97661 https://theredarchive.com/post/97661

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