Last night I went out alone, for the most part I like to go out like this. I have couple of friends which I don't try to "fix" or change with Red Pill knowledge or anything, and I have sister to hang out with. Currently option-less when it comes to women; but to be honest, I'm in a situation where I don't even chase them - I'm not on dating apps, not approaching etc. I'm not going MGTOW or anything, it's just I'm tired of seeing through their games when they want to make me chase them, which I don't accept to play. I have only married women's lately coming at me directly, being all friendly and flirty, and I try my best not to get involved in those kind of situation, you can call their husbands beta and blue pilled as much as you like, but guys like that are prepared to kill someone for their wife.

Like I've said it, for the most part I like to go out alone, I like to drive and often I would take my car and go into another city and find places that have some fun activities. Last night I went to this big shopping mall that have bowling alley and many different fun games. I was playing by myself and at first didn't really looked around, when I started to look around I would always see someone looking strangely at me. All those people were in groups, there were groups of guys, groups of women, couples, married couples with kids, and I was the only guy there that was alone. I go out often alone, and this is the first time I actually spend time observing people around.

There's a coffee shop there and when I've finished playing I sat there to take a coffee, I was feeling a bit sleepy and had an hour ride back home. I started to take more attention at people around and they were all with someone, there's nobody alone walking around, nobody. I have to say that for the first time being Red Pill aware and working hard on changing myself I've felt envious and jealous at those people around. They living their lives, we can call it The Matrix, it really doesn't matter, but people seemed generally happy. I know all the disadvantages of living that blue pilled fantasy, so many bad things can happen when you don't know peoples true nature and what they are capable for, capable of making a lot of damage.

I was hurt by a lot people in the past, not just the girls I was chasing, orbiting and trying to date; but by the closest of mine to whom I share blood with. I know how it's like to be stabbed in the back, and my strong focus on changing myself and not allowing myself for anything like that happen again, I've build a thick skin and walls around me. This is what led me into the Red Pill, same as everyone else here, we didn't come here living a happy life. It's hard to trust anyone around, so I don't let anyone get close enough and I'm starting to think is this even sustainable for the long term? I don't plan on giving up everything I've done so far, I know this is just a phase where I'm rethinking my decisions. Couple of days I will be on my track again, running full speed. My last year was one of the best ones in last ten years, and all because of finding the Red Pill and deciding to work hard on changing my life, it was a thrilling journey.

In the end, I just wanted to say what was on my chest, maybe there are guys out there who are in a similar position?

We would never be able to go back, even if we wanted to?