A few months ago my life change more than I can handle.

My history begging a lot of years ago when I was younger and life looks like a game where I will always won but it doesn’t take me so much time to see that I was lying to myself.

A lot of years spending my time with toxic people that I used to call friends. Taking drugs all the time, just going to parties and all that classics shit. I became myself a dead alive person.

I usted to be that kind of person who has a rave life and the only serious jobs i had was stretch relationship with drugs and more kind of ilegal things until I can kept anymore.

I used to have a friend who was my partner in all this together we sold a lot of drugs and made tons of ilegal parties we were pretty knowing in the city we we used to live and of course we don’t like to a lot of people. Years come and years go I I began to ask myself what I gonna do with my life because I begging to hate my own and try to committed suicide taking a lot of benzodiazepines. And one those days one very important person for me appears in my life one of my childhood friends I was really lost and he came to save me and help me to get out of the hole I was I leave my life style and all what has to see with me partner. Even I finish the high school (it takes me 10 years to finish it) and i get into university. I leave to be a pusher and began to recover my personality and it looked like I was for the good way till October of the last year.

The last year my friend who used to be my partner was brutally murdered and some anonymous guy told me who did it. I was so confused because theses guys was looking for me and they already knew where I used to live I had to run from my home to another place where I didn’t to anyone leaving all I used to know for reasons I really never gonna know.

The first week I leaved my town some kind of informant began to talk with me telling who did all so i made a lot of call to a lot of bad people because I was hungry and sick of revenge until the told me we have kill twelve persons thank to your information I is something sad to say but i felt myself like a hunter happy of murder his victims but my nightmare doesn’t finish there.

The next days I was living in another city without a house. Paying hotels and any kind of place where I could sleep living in the streets. I was so sad than ever in my life until I get a job and rent a flat. Reading the red pill I began to know new people and everything was ok but i was so much hurt inside that i can even hide my feelings my body was very thin and my hair began to fall down I have never felt so bad.

Months after I had the visit of my mother and sister I and did the big mistake and in trying to see them like my friends and i spoke openly about what I did to keep living they told me that I was a bad person someone who don’t deserve to lived. Really I thought that before they told me but I was very painfully to be called like that after all I had to pass.

So, I don’t want to make this longer I returned to my city one month ago and the last week this mafia people made me a call and look after me just to speak about: who did I fucking know who did all of this. I was so scared because I think they were trying to put me a tramp and well the leave me live my life because I never lie to anyone and I didn’t killed my friend. Whoever can said that know is a new opportunity to make thing great and I known that but i feel very sorry because I don’t what to do with myself, I can’t get a normal job and I really can’t feel myself in peace. I know I have to be greatful of been alive and I do but really I don’t know what to do to fill this emptiness inside me.

What can you said about this?

Pd: sorry for the bad English and thanks for your time.