I am curious what RPs think of my situation. Am I a douchebag or is she a bitch (or both, or neither)?

My wife and I have been married for 6.5 yrs now. We met at a college when she was 18, i was 22. we got married 3 years later. We've fought quite a bit since the beginning and its beginning to dawn on me that we fight over control/power in the relationship. I said to her a few months ago "I feel like we're constantly fighting over who wears the pants"

We have been having significant relationship problems for many years and she wanted a divorce a year ago, I really oneitis/beta 'd and begged her to goto counselling and she obliged. I am actually glad we went though, its been super beneficial for me, relational things aside.

Recently, I took her on a trip to Costa Rica (very beta bucks, about $8000 to be exact) and So many of her bad traits have stuck out like ugly repulsive evidence that I should GTFO.

Many examples from this trip: She thinks I only care about money (I'd say I'm the one who actually thinks through what things cost and how to get them), Money is one of my first questions about thinking through things to do and where I go in life, but its not my ONLY question or consideration.

She gives lip service to frugality (likes to think she's not high maintenance) but she almost always complains with basically anything but the best.

She seems constantly unable to keep her emotions in check, she basically is happy for a few hours, gets mad about something, happy for a few hours, cries about something.

She will only make love (sex) to me a couple times a month (when her hormones are wild) and when she's drunk. She'll sometimes let out a big sigh and say "Do you want an orgasm" and give me a hand job w/ a frown on her face...

She gets really pissed off when I tell her my fantasies about other women, but also wants to fuck other guys from time to time. She's super super (more so than any person I've ever talked with about) sensitive to me watching porn or fantasizing about sex with another woman, but she doesnt want sex with me when I offer it.

It seems her default mode is to abandon/run away from things: some examples; we booked a shitty hotel and she couldnt stay there more than 4 hours, had to check into a nicer place. The place we originally had was an AirBnB in a Yoga studio. It had a shared bathroom and she had read the very accurate description of the place. She lost her shit (pun) when someone opened the bathroom door while she was in there, she had failed to lock the door properly and the other person (a woman) was very apologetic, it was an accident. I said as much to her, "you didnt lock the door properly and someone accidentlally opened the door". Nonetheless my wife ended up on the bed crying about how I dont care how she feels, how she will never support me when something goes wrong in my life and how we MUST get out of "this place" .

She has something wrong in her head about food. She actls like she's hypoglycemic from time to time, but doctor's tests have come up clear. She basically turns into an angry bitch when she doesnt eat for a few hours and gets into such a fit that she'll refuse to eat. This leads to a downward spiral that often results in her storming off alone and crying leaving me thinking WTF now? To her credit she's gotten much better at this in the past couple of years, she is more preemptive to have food on her when she can.

She has a faux gluten intolerance that she uses to be a bitch after she eats pizza or something... She refuses most food with gluten in it, but finds a way to get around it to eat cupcakes, brownies or whatever she fancies from time to time.

She seems to incessantly complain about things thinking someone else should care and solve it for her.

Ok, that seems long and rantish enough, ask any questions you find pertinent. Am I a douchebag for not caring enough for her? Should I "NEXT" (divorce) her?