When to stop

goldenstateballer · 2018-02-06T00:18:45+00:00

It sounds like you need more push-pull and less push-push-push-push-push.

She reciprocated and we make out for a while. I try to lift her shirt up but she pulls it down and says no. I try a few more times after more kissing but it was the same.

After the first no, you should slow things down a bit. The basic way of handling LMR is to slow down a bit and let things naturally build themselves back up slowly. If it's just nerves or whatever on her part, she'll escalate further as she gets more comfortable. If you get two no's at the same place (ie: pulling her shirt off) in a row, then that's a good sign to just stop trying to escalate past that for now.

The reason is that there are only two cases: In the first case, you aren't slowing down and re-escalating smoothly enough. In the second case, it's a hard no. In either case, the right thing is to stop trying to press it past whatever that thing is she's stopping on.

For guys who aren't great with social cues, which tends to be a lot of people figuring things out with TRP, you're having to play the game of figuring out what is LMR and what is a hard no. If you push too hard on this, you'll scare her away and basically just sexually assault her, which obviously isn't what either of you want.

At this point im laying on top of her and holding her arms down above her head.

Make sure that you're allowing her to feel comfortable even as you escalate. It can be different for different girls, but if you're getting no's, be careful about anything restraining her like this because it can put her in a really fucked up situation where she's afraid to say no, especially if there's a size difference or something like that, and then you're both in for a shitty time.

She says we should stop because it would lead to sex and we just met. We kiss more and she keeps saying she has to leave and that shes on her period.

To me, this sounds like you scared her off by pushing too hard after multiple no's in the same situation. A lot of dealing with LMR is giving her enough comfort while still allowing tension to build. It's not the easiest thing in the world to learn how to do, so don't beat yourself up over it.

Should i have kept pushing it further? Or would that would be borderline rape?

If anything, you should have pushed it a little less. And yes, if you would have kept pushing, you very well could have found yourself in a sexual assault or rape type of situation.

My advice is to look up everything you can read on LMR and how to deal with it skillfully instead of going push-push-push-push-push (as opposed to push-pull).

Don't pull back completely and turn into someone who is afraid to escalate. Instead, learn to fine-tune things a bit and mix in the right amount of comfort so that you don't make her uncomfortable as fuck as scare her off.

IronJohnKwando · 2018-02-06T00:10:23+00:00

What did you say when she said “this will lead to sex”?

Without more context, sounds like you did it right. Two steps forward, one step back, til she made a hard stop.

batuhanstorm · 2018-02-06T02:25:05+00:00

Abundance mentality, my friend. You should've said "that's cool" and I guarantee you, she would've feel more comfortable and this LEAD to sex.

Praecipuus · 2018-02-06T04:01:41+00:00

Further on u/takeeverything's comment on your need to learn more about push/pull:

"When her body language says one thing and her lips say another, play along. Agree with her, and keep physically advancing if you see no physical objection from her, be it moving somewhere else or taking off her pants. If she does start pushing you away or even remotely showing less investment (giving you her side, not touching you, talking to other people too much, checking her phone constantly) play along again. “Push her away” too, give her time to get comfortable with the fact that you’ve already stepped a few stairs further up in her staircase to pussy and WAIT for her to advance (never try to compensate for her lack of comfort with more sexual escalation). It will happen, so be patient and keep escalating when it does. Once (if) she gives you LMR again, I guarantee you it will be once you are BEYOND the phase where she gave it to you a few mins ago. This is how you escalate. Push until you get LMR -> pull -> let her push -> push again until more LMR -> repeat until gates to Vaghalla have been breached -> extreme success.

This goes for all moments of your pickup, especially when you're about to have sex."

Title	When to stop
Author	goldenstateballer
Upvotes	6
Comments	12
Date	February 5, 2018 11:20 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7viyus/when_to_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/when-to-stop.123411 https://theredarchive.com/post/123411

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