A girl I dated in college broke up with me and started dating someone else. Basically I started to love her, she could tell, and ran. During the years they were together she would still reach out to me regularly and bring up past things I did for her, and just try and reminisce. She knew I still had feelings for her but I would never reach out to her because she said she was happy. I’m not going to be a beta orbiter. So I did my best to suck it up and not talk to her, never reach out etc. when I would see mutual friends, her friends always took the opportunity to tell me her and her boyfriend ‘fight all the time’ or just ask me if I ‘ever talk to Julia’ as if they wanted to see a reaction. So I played it cool and gave them nothing. What’s worse is that she treats my younger brother (1year younger) like a best friend during the years she dated this other guy. And my brother is too naive to consider how this might affect me or just not care. Why would she befriend my brother? Seems manipulative to me. Over all these years I’ve worked on myself mostly and focus on myself and having a healthy state of mind. Loving myself first etc. As I grow and become a better healthier individual I see her behavior more clearly and recognize the red flags. I do my best to be open and vulnerable to life, it makes you strong. I see now that she runs on validation and is emotionally unavailable. I digress...She broke up with her LTR of 3 years last year and reached out to me a little more over the course of a year. It’s difficult to hard next a person you love even when you know they might not be a good person. Anyways , I reached out and offered to catch up and made sure that I was open and vulnerable but not stupid. I’m a strong individual that can process feelings even if they suck. Things went well and we texted regularly for awhile. BUT then as she saw that I was having an affect on her she cut me off. She did this, I feel, because she knew it would force her to confront her neglected emotional state etc. or maybe only a closed off emotionally unavailable asshole can turn her on. I know I should have drawn the line years ago but I’m not perfect.

Any advice on all of this? Have any of you guys dealt with this?

And I’ve been spinning plates for years too but don’t care about any of them much to be honest. They’re just people on my life.