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Why do I (guy) feel defensive everytime a guy talks about me with other guys or girls? It doesnt happen if girls do it though

Rockinup54 · 2016-03-17T18:08:48+00:00

Another user suggested that I posted here. I've noticed recently that when guys exclude me and talk about me, it really bothers me. First I thought it was...

Rockinup54

March 17, 2016

1 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	Why do I (guy) feel defensive everytime a guy talks about me with other guys or girls? It doesnt happen if girls do it though
Author	Rockinup54
Upvotes	1
Comments	15
Date	March 17, 2016 6:08 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4aucdp/why_do_i_guy_feel_defensive_everytime_a_guy_talks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-do-i-guy-feel-defensive-everytime-a-guy-talks.162144 https://theredarchive.com/post/162144

Comments

[–]Sir_Distic1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]Auphor_Phaksache0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Rockinup54[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Auphor_Phaksache0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Rockinup54[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Auphor_Phaksache1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Rockinup54[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Rockinup54[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sir_Distic1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Rockinup54[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DysfunctionalBrother0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Rockinup54[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]DysfunctionalBrother0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

That's what i mean. You fear they are able to influence other peoples opinion of you (power over other people), thus they have power over you.

Yes, but you make it easy for them to put you down because of how you react to it. If you get defensive they will know they have power over you because you have shown you give a shit what they are saying and think it will have an effect on your relationship with the people they are talking to.

Learn to stop valuing how other people see you, then if they put you down it wont effect you or how people see you, and after a while they will stop doing it.

It's quite possible they are not talking shit about you, it's in all in your head, but it's in your head because you fear the power they have over other people that they are actually getting from the importance your basing on being liked. I hope that makes sense

[–]Rockinup54[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]DysfunctionalBrother0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

In that case buddy you need to fight back. The situation as i understood it was that it was just people talking shit because they wanted a reaction from you for the purpose of their own comedy and it stops them from being seen as the Omega of the group or be seen as the Alpha. Basically nothing intentionally personal. If it's a case of a person being an absolute prick and is making people disrespect you for their own SJW moral agenda then that's not something you can ignore.

I've just read some of your replies to other people and the guy in question sounds like a bitch to be honest and if he's turned other people against you based on his standards of what code of behavior he thinks you should follow then you need to find other people to hang with.

I was going to suggest you confront him, but reading your other posts it doesn't seem worth it if he's turned people against you to the degree he has or possible within a setting where they are mingling i.e a club.

It sounds like your going through something that happens quite often during transcendental stages in a persons life. During these stages people try to cut you down to stop you from making progress to keep you down with the rest of them, because you serve a function in the group that they rely on.

This guy explains it better in this part of the video (you might get more from it if you watch the whole thing) https://youtu.be/zawPdTQ-Bg8?t=14m49s

Slowly spend less time with them till you eventually can leave them behind cause you've got some better friends. You might still have to put up with this person at work, but it is just one person, or a few if you work with others that belong to this social group, compared to the complete work force.

Start speaking to more people there then after you make more friends you wont feel as vulnerable to or dependent on your current social group, which will enable you to feel more confident confronting this guy without the fear of how people will react to it, for example: you getting further excluded from the group.