Why do I keep forgetting?

I created this post 14 days ago. I said:

So I guess today is the day I swallowed the pill. I'm crying a little. I thought life was something good. It is just a pure exchange of values, without having a single person you can count on fully, with death waiting in the finish line. All I can do is to maximize my fun or things I care about. To do that I need to get to a level of average person. Then I need to go up. If I go on my way, life will fuck me without me realizing. There is no place to "go in my way". I can't escape it.

I have 3 options at all times.

Kill myself now.
Do nothing. Eat food, fap, escape into Internet, have some dopamine fun. Die later.
Improve myself. Experience hardship, rejection, hard work, pain. After some time experience more "supposedly" fun or good things like hot girls, freedom to travel to a lot of places, freedom not to work, money etc.

I choose the 2nd option. I didn't choose 3rd option today nor yesterday. I chose 2nd option.

I don't want to keep forgetting but I'm not willing to put in the hard work. It seems I am fine with "closing my eyes" to reality even after seeing it. Seems like I'm indifferent to everything including myself.

What is my problem? I actually want to break shit and scream my lungs off. I can't even do that because then neighbors would call the cops or roommates would think I am batshit crazy.

[–]loveydovey2121 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]loveydovey2121 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AlfredApple0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]wallpunchist 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]lifeisnotverygood[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't know how you could provide this insight so accurately.

To love myself, I need to actually change myself and be okay with being uncomfortable and resistance. I need to be okay with destroying my self and identity and world as I knew it. And that is painful and that's why I'm in denial. And I can't really be in denial because I saw the glimpse. So I just resort to escapism. Fuck. Is there some sort of guide for this stage or am I just gonna have to do it myself?

I've been escaping ever since I was a kid. I used to consume tons of books. Then tons of Internet to this day.

you've bought that bluepill propaganda that good things will come to you

No necessarily good things will come to me. I think I believe I will be okay by not doing anything differently. Actually you might be right. I have hope but I do nothing. I do nothing and I have hope. Or I don't really care. Or maybe that's a well covered lie.

Because you're too lazy to put on sweatpants and go out for a 15-minute run. Because you'd rather believe that you can be happy by being yourself and don't really have to love yourself.

There is no easy way out except creating my life so that I make more efforts gradually over time, right? First I handle my sleep, sleep schedule, bad habits, "mood", then I take on bigger stuff. Or is there a trick or something? haha-ha-h. Only trick would be creating a momentum I guess. Positive feedback loop to keep me going.

Because you'd rather believe that you can be happy by being yourself and don't really have to love yourself.

Can you expand on this? I don't love myself because I realize 3 things

My life kindof sucks. If I want a better life, I have no option but to actually change myself.
I am too lazy or pussy to actually change myself. Your internal programming is screaming "warning, warning, attempting to exit comfort zone, possible unknown dangers beyond this point, warning, warning, immediately return to browsing 4chan".
I can go back to my old self and pretend I haven't seen TRP or reality. But I really can't do that. If I do it, it would be pretty stupid.

[–]wallpunchist 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

A bit of empathy does wonders sometimes. But to be honest, I've been there too. Sometimes I still struggle with it too. I live in Eastern Europe and all this shit people talk about is not so obvious around here - feminism isn't radical among non-online people, emasculation of society isn't as progressed, bluepill programming isn't as strong. Men don't live in constant fear of being accused of false rape. But I know that redpill, for me as a mindset rather than purely sexual strategy, is true and important.

Because it promotes really conservative, but valuable stance of male role in society. It glorifies frame, thus being yourself and never moving an inch when you don't want to. It glorifies self reliance, feeling of self worth and taking good care of yourself. Thus bettering yourself rather than slobbing on couch playing PS4 all day.

Anyway, you need to cope with the fear of being uncomfortable, because that's outside comfort zone. And when you stay there long enough, you broaden your comfort zone. This is why it's important to try new things, to broaden your horizons and your comfort zone.

You don't need to be okay with destroying the world though. You must understand that what you're destroying, is an illusion set in place in order to control you. And we're very adamant on preserving this illusion. Most obvious analogy will be titular "The Matrix". Another good one is "They Live" mentioned in great post by GayLubeOil (I always question the rationale behind this nickname). You could also compare it to Plato's Allegory of the Cave.

So I just resort to escapism. Fuck. Is there some sort of guide for this stage or am I just gonna have to do it myself?

You always have to do it yourself. There's no step-by-step guide anyway, but nobody will give you personal advice at this point. You need a spiritual journey that will finally open your eyes. Be it by testing and seeing world for what it is, by reading posts on TheRedPill or reading some recommended literature. /u/AsianAway has one nice books compliation, look through his posts for the most recent one.

Escapism is a common theme. Hell, I still do it myself, just try hard not to go into denial. I'll immerse myself in video games, because I really enjoy them, especially ones that don't have too much action, sometimes even no storyline. I enjoy The Long Dark very much, it always helps me relax, immerse and then I can just think about life, love and everything in general while playing.

I have hope but I do nothing. I do nothing and I have hope. Or I don't really care. Or maybe that's a well covered lie.

If you do nothing, how can you hope for something? Farmer can hope for a good harvest, but had he not sown anything, what he'd reap thanks to his hope alone?

If I had to start with one thing, it'd be exercise. It will force you to make room for good sleep, it will give you endorphins (a good lifting session, a good run, when your body is aching will give you greater mood, greater sense of achievement than any escapist activity providing dopamine). Exercise is not big stuff, if you don't want to lift, start jogging then. Exercise is important and yes, it gives you momentum, it lifts your spirits.

I actually stopped exercising for now. I'm going to make testosterone tests and they're low anyway, but I'd like to lower them so my doctor won't talk some shit about "being in a grey zone" and me "not needing treatment", because I "might have symptoms, but the results are within norm for male between 18 and 80". And you know what?

I feel less motivated. I feel down. I just want to lie on bed and do something completely unproductive. I have to force myself to read TRP books, even that's a chore.

You don't love yourself, because love is not necessarily accepting one as he is as seeing it as an endpoint.

If you have a woman of your dreams, not some HB11, but just a woman you want to spend your life with, and you see she's struggling with depression, do you just accept it? Say "okay, she's depressed, but that's okay"? Or do you want best for her? I bet you want best for her, for this is one true love. Accept her depression as current state, but not an endpoint and help her get better?

And you must love yourself and thus not say "it's okay I'm a slob". You must say "okay, I'm a slob, but I want better for myself, I want this for myself". And then you go and try to get it.

That's true. You want something, you get it. Life's not going to offer it to you on a silver plate.
Start with something. Exercise will be good.
Just like Cypher in Matrix, eh? Yes, that'd be stupid, but it's natural for us to want it. So don't despise yourself if that's what you wish. This is your mind and body screaming "cognitive dissonance, we believed bluepill, still believe bluepill, but redpill sounds true" and trying to get back to the comfort zone.

Wish you best, bro, but you'll actually have to work your ass for it. But it's definitely worth the hassle.

Title	Why do I keep forgetting?
Author	lifeisnotverygood
Upvotes	1
Comments	6
Date	December 12, 2016 2:22 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5hu1ss/why_do_i_keep_forgetting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-do-i-keep-forgetting.78990 https://theredarchive.com/post/78990

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