Why doesn't my mom shit test my dad?

jm51 · 2016-10-17T20:49:30+00:00

As it worked for them, ask them to arrange a marriage for you.

sierratangovictor · 2016-10-18T15:33:58+00:00

Warning : Interesting question, and massive rant, based on my own observations. So please take with a pinch of salt.

TL;DR :

Many things are at interplay. If you are reading despite the warning, please read on.

The difference been traditional (not modern) East and modern (not traditional) West according to my observations:

The biggest difference is that the traditional East a wide range of men are valued for their wide range of abilities, while the modern West prefers men in a preformatted capsule.

The approach

The traditional East will very chase a much hated neckbeard, if he can prove himself to be an excellent Enginerd - The modern West doesn't care about those successes, or abilities. In fact, the entire TRP sometimes (sorry mods) can look like a massive circlejerking where every beefed up accountant with a glass of wine is the ultimate Alpha happy to get their turn in a feeding line of Dogs. Therefore you need to look at this phenomena from outside the Beta>----->Alpha continuum.

If you lurk along my posts, you will note, I have a few times spoke against the alpha--beta continuum. That is but very contextual. I also once made some comments against the shit-testing. I will come to that in a minute too

The attraction

What makes a man attractive? For some they just want a cozy home (you are from East, you know a number of chicks at their 16, want exactly that ... but sometimes they demand it from the wrong man). For some it is an excellent man.

What makes a man excellent?

In short: A man who has some capabilities, that separates him from the herd. A rich man, A more hard working than average man, A talented man - all of them are excellent in their own ways.

Just because they drift towards the corners of the 3-D bell surface makes them attractive.

The bell curve is extended to 3D, with each line, through the origin, on the x-y plane touching the surface being an axis - it is difficult to visualize, but see this picture: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3e/Gaussian_2d.svg/2000px-Gaussian_2d.svg.png - and imagine lines through the center of the circular footprint. Each lines, at -infinity designate a quality, and at +infinity designate its opposite.

Now, you have the lower, and average men on the center, and men excellent in their own way always near the rim. So just by being at the rim, they are excellent.

However, that is seen differently in different cultures. Let me tell you a very anecdotal story. My hobby is building and launching high powered rockets, capable of reaching 20+ km. It is very difficult to do that in Europe. So, we try it outside Europe.In Colombia, when we say, that we are German engineers, then they listen to us. In Germany, they look at us, and say 'so? so are we'.

Lame Jokes aside, the point is, in Colombia, being an Engineer shades a good light on you, much more so being a German engineer. In Germany, Engineer is often seen as boring, and good, bad, excellent - all of them are thrown in the same basket. Yes, if you are hot AND engineer, then it makes a difference, but in Colombia, in my experience, by just being an Engineer, you will have a different treatment, and if you are a GREAT engineer, you will see women from the harem of some FARC commander chasing you. That points back to my first argument : A wide spectrum of qualities, each on their own, is considered attractive.

The hypergamy :

Hypergamy is not just a primal drive doing it's job. Murdering people is also a primal drive. BUT ----- Trust me on this : A number of special service soldiers I have encountered in my professional life don't want, from deep down themselves, to kill a man. Many do, but many also don't. All primal drives always come with the opposite drive as well. There was the story about the Indian teaching his grandchild, there are two wolfs inside you - one is with this and that qualities, and the other is with the opposities. They are fighting each other. The one you feed, wins.

TRP just goes on speaking about the wolf of hypergamy, and how natural it is, but hardly it is highlighted, that there is always also the other wolf, who is also same natural. The wolf of hypergamy is constantly fed by media and culture in the West. In the East, varying by case to case, either can be fed.

The shit test :

You probably are wondering, why I spoke of hypergamy first. This is because I wanted to come to the wolf analogy. As I mentioned above, I spoke often against shit test, and stated, that the woman can also watch how I treat others, and solve problems like building a bridge and build her opinion on me from there.

Now comes an even bitterer pill : Many Enginerd/Scientists, both in West and East, both in a Traditional and Modern context, are actually disgraces. But even then, some are actually good.

Now, in the East, being academically successful can generate the initial interest, and then the woman can also look for the expressions of the mans trait in how he deal with external problems. In the West however, the academically successful, but not so hot, man will quickly be placed in a drawer as mostly nerdy but borderline interesting - if not completely boring, and that will stop the woman from looking at your other traits. Now the cultural portrayal of the academically successful person* is that they they are not good enough in life's problems. That will compel her to ignore your visible traits as solving hard problems and compel her to shit test you, and use the shit test as a proxy of tests that you already passed.

So, in the west, she imagines you can't pass tests, she will ignore the visible traits that you can actually solve problems, and will shit test you. This is not only the case of the romantic connections. Job Interviews, Visa interviews, many things use the same mechanics.

The scope they are testing you, doesn't apply. You cant use a bulldozer to hammer a nail in. While the bulldozer will be more powerful, it's inability to properly hammer a nail is will mean the opposite of powerful to those who only know of a Hammer, and grew up in a culture which villifies bulldozers .

In Germany however, it is legally forbidden for Human Resource managers or Visa interviewers to interview you, for this very reason. They can only check if your papers are correctly filled.

Back to the wolf : The wolf of hypergamy often comes with the added quality of being short sighted. If that wolf is fed, the woman will be likely to ignore your other visible qualities. If that wolf is NOT fed, then she is likely to value your academic success just as much and as deeply and as purely, as that of the attraction between two bodies.

This might be your case.

Epilogue

Academically successful person : usually portrayed as unkempt, not hot, and dumb. I do not know why, but to me it appears, that the media tries to carry a message of discouragement from pursuing academic success, or success in terms of knowledge. I may sound like a paranoid, but I will find it out.

Title	Why doesn't my mom shit test my dad?
Author	topdog82
Upvotes	2
Comments	3
Date	October 17, 2016 5:19 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/57vr1b/why_doesnt_my_mom_shit_test_my_dad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-doesnt-my-mom-shit-test-my-dad.76167 https://theredarchive.com/post/76167

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